Page 63 of Never Been Worse

“I know. I know, and the guys did too, and we earned this. I know that. But something… something was always missing, and it has been eating at me for a while now. I should be loving this rock star lifestyle, and instead, I felt guilty because I was missing something I couldn’t explain.”

She’s biting her lip, taking me in, and I wrap an arm around her waist, holding her to me and brushing a thumb over her lips.

“Thisis what I’ve missed,” I whisper.

“What, me naked in your bed? You could have had this a long time ago, bud,” she jokes, and I smile, but I shake my head all the same

“No. No, and it wouldn’t have been like this if we just jumped in, if we didn’t buildusbefore we got here. Because I was missingthis.” I pause, taking in a deep breath, fighting past the need to brush overfeelingsand instead share them with Harper. “The morning after. The calmness, the easiness. Having someone to wake up to, someone you know, someone you want to spend the whole day with. Someone you can dissect the night before with over breakfast.” Her eyes go wider. “Someone to cure the hangover and clean up after the party. This?” I ask, then gesture between us. “This is what I was missing.”

“Wes.”

I roll us, shifting so we’re on our sides, eye to eye.

“Everyone wants to be there for the party, the craziness and excitement, and the rock and roll of it all. I’ve never had someone there for me.”

She watches me contemplatively, and something must click as she tips her head to the side and smiles. “Is that why you wanted to wait?” I shrug, but the blush on my cheeks definitely gives me away. “You know I’m not with you for the whole…rock star lifestyle.”

“It wasn’t just that,” I say. “I didn’t want to rush things with you because I knew I wanted us to be something special.”

“Who knew you were such a romantic?” she says gently after a pause, running her hand through my hair, pushing it back, and reading my face.

I smile at her. “You could have if you weren’t so stubborn.”

She stares at me, and even though I expect her to argue with me, as is her way, she doesn’t. Instead, she contemplates what I said, thinking before finally she speaks in a whisper. “I’m glad I woke up.”

“What?”

“I’m glad I woke up in time to have you, that I opened my eyes and realized what was right in front of me. Before you got tired of waiting, before you got frustrated over the fact that I was being so stubborn.”

I roll again, this time so she’s below me and I’m hovering over the top of her, caging her in. I want her in a place where there’s no escape from what I’m about to tell her.

“I see you still don’t get it. I’m going to tell it to you straight, Harper, so don’t freak out.” Her eyes go wide with nerves, but I continue on. “I would have waited forever. If it meant we’d get here, in my bed, together with no pretense, I would have waited an eternity for you to be ready. I didn’t want to rush things, for you to sit there in a few months or in a year, wondering if you made the right choice. I needed you to know you were making this decision because youwantedto. Because you wanted not just me, butus.I didn’t want there to be even the smallest chance you’d look at last night and regret it.”

I smile at her, at her shocked face, and brush my fingers over her cheek.

“You said you wanted to be spontaneous, but this? This was never spontaneous, Harper. Not for me, at least, and one day I think you’ll see it wasn’t for you either. You’ll see you were so willing to jump in because you knew to your bones this was right.”

She lays there beneath me, silent, taking in my words, and I watch her—watch her thoughts and feelings, and finally, fears drift over her face.

“What if...what if you change your mind?” she asks nervously, and my brows furrow, not understanding. “What if you change your mind? I’m boring, Wes. I’m type A, I’m safe, and I overthink every move I make?—”

I shake my head. “Since when?” I ask because she keeps saying that, but I think she’sconvincedherself of it, that she isn’t spontaneous or fun or exciting.

“What?”

“Since when do you overthink everything?”

“Uh, since I was ten, and I came back to school three days after Marcie Klein told me my shoes were ugly and I told her she was a rude girl and that she should really think about how her words impacted other people because I’d thought about it all weekend and weighed my options and decided I didn’t want to be too mean and hurt her feelings but that hitting her would absolutely get me into too much trouble, so some heartfelt advice would be the best line of action.”

I smile wider, shaking my head at her because that’s so Harper, to come back with the most specific evidence to prove her point.

“You agreed to marry me,” I tell her point-blank. “On a whim. After bidding ten thousand dollars on a date with me.”

She tips her head back and forth. “Yeah, I know, and that’s why I’m concerned that one day, you’re going to wake up and realize this should have stayed fake because I tricked you, and I’m actually really boring and?—”

“And then youmarriedme within a week.”

She shrugs. “Because I wanted to prove a point.”

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