Page 81 of If This Was a Movie

But I’m also scared for the more cynical Harper to give me her opinion, to tell me I’m right to be cautious considering everything that’s happened, the way I got hurt last time.

And as I wave off the last kid, wishing him and his family a great holiday, I walk back into the center knowing my time is up.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Ava asks as we start cleaning up the community center together.

“What?” I ask, tossing a greasy paper plate from the pizza I bought the kids into the trash.

“What’s going on? You’re moping around like you’ve just been dumped, but you aren’t even dating anyone. Unless…”

The statement hangs in the air, waiting for me to fill it with the truth we all know, but I don’t answer, and Ava continues.

“Unless you started something with Mister Hot Dad, and you’re so stuck in your head you don’t even want to talk to us about it.”

I keep moving, grabbing cups and dumping them into the sink in the corner before tossing them.

“I think that’s pretty obvious, Ava,” Harper says. “They started something the day she agreed to their little deal.”

Ava nods, tossing a chip from the bowl into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully.

“Here’s my theory: you got in there, and it all felt the same as it did in January. It was like there wasn’t a whole year between the two of you. And that was all fine until it started to feel a little too real. And then you, our sweet, soft-hearted, scaredy-cat girl, keep thinking about the what-ifs.”

I glare at her but don’t respond.

“Let me guess: he gave you an ultimatum? Make a decision or get out?” Harper guesses.

“Oh, if he did, you have to get rid of him, that’s not—” Ava starts, but I can’t take it anymore.

“No!” I say finally, the urge to stick up for Nate is all-consuming. “No, he didn’t do that. He’d never do that, you guys. Everything is…everything is great.” Ava tips her head at me, brows furrowed, clearly not believing me. “They are! We even went on a date today,” I say, trying to act normal, even though the reminder of our conversation from a few hours ago makes my stomach hurt.

Nate wants more.

Nate wants more and wants me to admit I want more, but I don’t know if I can. If I’ll ever be emotionally ready to take that leap, to take the risk. I’ve been acting this entire month like it’s just some silly fantasy world, but the reminder that I would be moving back to my place eventually and that we were already in the deep end was a dose of reality I wasn’t prepared for.

“Then what is it, Jules? I can’t figure it out. Why are you moping around like someone killed your dog if everything is so great?

“He said we'd be moving in together.”

“Okay? That feels obvious, Jules. He has a daughter, and your place isn’t that big. Did he say it had to be soon? Or that you had to get rid of First Position?”

“No. He was mentioning I could rent out my place or build a lounge or more studios.”

“Okay…? That seems like the ideal situation, Jules. What’s wrong?”

“I just…I didn’t expect it. I hadn’t really thought of this moving beyond Christmas. I told him from the start I didn’t want this to be anything because I want to focus on my friends and my?—”

“Oh my god, can we stop with this lie?” Harper snaps, exasperated.

“What?”

“It’s a lie, Jules. You aren’t focusing on us or your business. You’re focusing on finding any excuse you can to keep your heart safe.”

The brutal honesty hits hard, and I still as my friends walk over to me. Ava reaches over and grabs my hand, and I feel it then: the wobble of my chin.

“I know in January, when you thought you found something special and then thought it was all a lie, you were hurt. And it changed you, Jules. We all saw it.” Harper nods. “We saw you shut down and build a wall up. But I also saw you with them last week, and I saw that wall was down, babe. So what’s going on? It seemed like everything was going well.”

I take a deep breath before confessing. “I’m scared.”

“Well, duh. You feel everything deep, Jules. It’s your superpower,” Harper says.

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