Page 80 of If This Was a Movie

“I don’t—” I start, but he shakes his head and smiles.

The man is smiling. Why is he like this??

“We’ll slow this down. We’ll do this your way.” With that, he moves, walking closer to me before his hand moves to my jaw, barely a graze, but I feel it all the same. “But know, I know it’s a lie,” he whispers, empathy and guilt clear as day in his eyes.

“What?”

“That’s a lie. It’s all a lie you’re telling yourself to try and protect yourself. You know this is right, the same way I do. You know that if you just trust that what we have is special and real, you won’t get hurt. But the trusting part? That’s what you can’t get past. Your fear is stopping you from justjumping in.”

I can’t handle that, the small bit of proof that he sees so much more than I want him to, so I look away from him. He doesn’t let me for long, though, instead once more moving to my chin, grabbing it firmer this time and forcing me to look at him.

“But I’ll be here, Jules, when you’re ready. Waiting for you. And when you’re ready to jump, I’ll catch you.” After a long moment, he steps back from me. “Now, are you ready to go?”

My brow furrows. “What?”

“You have your party. I’m driving you to the center.” I shake my head, the idea of being stuck in the car with him after all of this horrifying.

“You don’t have to drive me, Nate. I can walk; it’s only a few blocks.”

He smiles at me softly, grabbing his work bag off the floor.

“I know. But I want to.”

“Nate—”

“Just humor me, Jules.”

He stares at me until I sigh and nod, grabbing my bag and sliding my jacket back on before we head out the door in near silence.

When we get to the community center, I fiddle with my keys as he parks, then walks around to the passenger side to pull me out. Once I’m out, he leans into me, pressing his lips to mine gently, and I revel in it. I’m already craving more when he breaks the chaste kiss, and that’s when I know I’m so fucking screwed.

“I’ll call you tonight. We can talk,” he says, and I shake my head.

“I can’t, I won’t be home until late.” It’s not a lie per se, but saying it aloud after whatever just happened in my place feels like one.

But I need space. I need time. I need to think.

He must know that because he nods before speaking. “Then we’ll talk in the morning when you come over for coffee.”

I smile weakly and nod. He presses his lips to mine once more before walking me to the front entrance of the community center.

“Later, Jules,” he whispers.

“Later, Nate. Thanks for…today.”

“Anytime, dollface.”

He pulls me into his arms, and I take a deep inhale of Nate's woodsy scent as he presses a kiss to the top of my head before stepping back. And then I watch him walk off, start the car, and wave as he drives away.

THIRTY-TWO

JULES

The party goes fine, both Harper and Ava coming to help out, and I’m relieved when I don’t have to spend too much time with them, constantly getting pulled one way or the other.

I know the second they get me alone, one or both of them are going to try and pick my brain, and I’m scared of that.

I’m scared for Ava to tell me to jump in without fear or confirm I’m just a big baby, letting my old wound be an excuse for why I’m not going all in with Nate.

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