Page 26 of If This Was a Movie

Nate

Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I miss you already. Is that crazy to say?

If I had seen this text five, ten minutes ago, I would have squealed at my luck, at the joy of this man and the excitement I was feeling for the future. Instead, it makes me sick to my stomach and makes my eyes burn at the cruelty of fate and reality.

Shaking my head, I remind myself there’s a reason I live in my head, why I choose to watch movies instead of chaseromance, that everything always works out in the fictional world, but out here, in the real world, no happily ever after is ever guaranteed.

The real world brings nothing but blow after blow. It’s time to accept that soulmates and happily ever afters are myths so you don’t lose hope. Sure, there are the one-in-a-million situations, like Ava and Jaime, but overall, it’s all bullshit.

Just one big lie meant to keep the world spinning.

I make my decision then, tapping on his contact and staring at it. I take a moment to mourn what could have been—the silly thoughts and dreams I’d dreamed up after only a day and a half before I sigh, hit the block button, and start the car.

My mind is blank as I make the familiar drive to my best friend’s apartment on the outskirts of Evergreen Park. Anytime my thoughts start to drift, to unpack what just happened, I shake my head fiercely, check the time and how far I am, and count down.

Just five minutes until I can lose it.

Only four minutes.

I only have to keep it together for three more minutes.

Two more, almost there.

I’m shaking by the time I pull into the parking lot for Ava and Jaime’s place. When I step out, I slam the door without bothering to grab my bag, lock it, or do anything like that.

I just move, muscle memory carrying me to the front door, where one shaky finger reaches for the doorbell.

“Hey, babe,” Ava says as she opens the door, distracted. “Are you—” and then she stops, taking in me, my tear-stained cheeks. “Oh, no,” she whispers, opening the door fully and pulling me inside where I can let go.

Because even if I’ll never have a dream man to spend forever with, the universe did give me the blessing of really good fucking friends.

And that is the moment I swear off men. I swear off love. I swear off hope, feeling the gate slam shut over my heart.

It’s not worth it: the pain, the disappointment, the heartache.

It’s not worth it, surely not for a momentary shot at some far-off moment of bliss. No.

I’m not going to reach for that ever again, not when I’ve seen the destruction that small glimmer of hope can wreak.

Never again.

ELEVEN

JULES

Walking into Nate’s house, a sense of déjà vu takes over. Not much has changed, though there is a pink blanket on the couch and a few toys scattered on the floor. It looks almost as if Sophie shuffled out of her room that morning, wrapped in her blanket, and left it there, which is the mere proof that a child lives here.

I’ve beaten myself up a bunch over the last year, wondering how I didn’t see the signs of him having a family. A single man living in a decently sized home without a wife and kids should have been the first red flag, especially considering it was barely even decorated, but as I look around now, I at least have the comfort of knowing I didn’t completely ignore some giant waving red flag. Aside from the blanket and the toys, Nate’s home is still genuinely not very decorated and screams bachelor with no one relying on him.

“Soph, go get in your pajamas. It’s way past your bedtime, and I have to show Aunt Claire’s old place to Jules,” Nate says as he puts a set of keys on a hook. I continue to jingle mine in my hand, staring around. I followed him here, taking note of everything as I drove, since I didn’t pay much attention the last time I came here. I definitely wasn’t taking in details like street names or neighborhoods; I was just excited to be alone with him.

“Will she put me to bed?” she asks, glaring at her dad, hands on her hips.

“Sophie,” he starts, but his daughter’s eyes go wide, and considering it’s well past 8 p.m. and she’s had what I can assume was a long day, the fight starts to build.

“I want her to put me to bed! She’s my Christmas wish!”

Nate sighs before getting on his little girl’s level.

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