Page 49 of All Twerk, No Play

“Ok, thatiswhat happened. But that's not why I broke up with you. Hell, the first time I met Grace’s family, her brother was so awful I broke his nose.”

I swallowed around a lump in my throat. If it wasn’t about what Beverly told him at Spencer’s wedding … “Why, then?”

“Because you didn’t talk to me. You brought me to your ex’s wedding without telling me what happened between you two. When I tried to ask, you iced me out. You sat next to me silent for the whole plane ride.”

My whole body shivered. He hadn’t dumped me because of Spencer—he’d dumped me because I hadn’t told him about Spencer. I thought I’d been protecting him, but my protection had pushed him away.

His voice rasped with long-buried pain. “The closer I got to you, the more defenses you put up. I never felt like I got the real you.”

I roiled at the allegation for which I had no defense prepared. I wrapped my arms around my biceps to keep myself from unraveling. “You know me better than anybody.”

“I know that now. But then, I could only see what you didn’t tell me.”

My chest ached with weight so heavy I thought I might crack.

“When I moved out, I guess I thought—” he ran his hand over the nape of his neck, tilting his head towards the ceiling. “I thought maybe some space would help you see you wanted more from …” he shifted his thumb in the air between us. “When I realized you would never love me back, that you didn’t want what I wanted, I … I had to move on.”

“Why didn’t you move home then?” I whispered, forcing myself to turn my cool gaze to him.

“I hoped you’d come back, tell me you still wanted me …” he sighed at the heavy clouds. “I called Nick. He told me to read Richard’s memoir.”

“Oh god, I’m sorry.” I squeezed the bridge of my nose, knowing what a self-important slog my grandfather’s autobiography was.

“Yeah, it was awful. Especially all his bullshit about legacy,” he agreed, and some of the tightness in my gut loosened. “I googled Spencer. I sawThe New Yorker.”

I fought a wave of nausea. “I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

“Like what? A college kid trying to win her family’s impossible approval?”

I blinked too hard, too fast, fighting the prickle of tears. “So why didn’t you tell me then? That you knew why I left Sinclair Larsson?”

“That would have gone over well. ‘Hey Victoria, all those secrets you kept? Surprise! I found out anyway. You would have forced me out of your life.”

Fuck, he was right. If he had pushed me, I would have shut down.

“If anything, realizing how much you overcame … it made me admire you more.” His quiet voice trembled. “I just wish you'd told me.”

I dropped my head against the Adirondack chair's hard wood. My voice came out hoarse as I echoed his words. “I could have handled that better.”

“You think?” he said, his tone teasing.

I tightened my jaw, swallowing back words I wasn’t ready to voice.

“Even after we broke up, I still cared about you,” he said. “You weren’t my girlfriend anymore, but you’re still my best friend.”

“Your best friend?”

“Yeah, though I didn’t understand at the time,” he said, his face softer as he refilled our glasses yet again. “Last December, Mallory told me Grace and Kate were her two best friends. I’d told her that by definition, ‘best’ is superlative and therefore you can’t have two bests of anything.” He grinned when I lifted my glass in agreement. “And that brat told me, ‘If there’s somebody who I would do anything to see happy, and I know they’d do the same for me, then that person is my best friend. I’m lucky enough to have two.’ And I was jealous that she had two people who meant that much to her, when I …”

He took another long sip, surveying his manicured yard. “I went back to San Francisco heartbroken. You showed up on my doorstep with ice cream—well, shitty frozen yogurt.”

“You housed my cookies and cream without complaint."

“You helped me mend my broken heart. When those assholes overlooked you even though you were the best goddamn lawyer there--and I'm man enough to admit that you're better than me--I grieved for your loss because I wanted your success almost as much as my own. And when I had this harebrained scheme to start a firm across the country, I didn’t want to do it with anybody but you. You’re my best friend, Victoria.”

As the sky blurred, I resented the wine for making my eyes water. The heat lamp warmed my legs, but I hugged my arms around my chest anyway.

He tilted his head back, giving me the privacy he knew I needed to process. I followed his gaze towards the night sky, startled at how many stars there were. I'd read about starry night skies, but my view had been tarnished by light pollution.

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