Page 68 of Mended Hearts

Vaginal tears.

Hemorrhoids.

Abs that feel like jelly, but hurt no matter how careful you are.

Pee that might as well be lighter fluid.

Leighton

“What is… a 24-hour marathon with no prize money and a wailing mandrake at the finish line?” for 500, Alex?

Elora

Thanks, guys. I wasn’t already freaking out.

Brexley

*Grimacing emoji, laughing emojis* You’ll do fine!

They’re totally worth it, but for fuck’s sake, I wish someone warned me the first go around.

Noel

I distinctly remember Juniper warning you.

Repeatedly.

In graphic detail.

And bringing you Tucks pads.

Brexley

And nipple cream and about a million witchy little remedies I now swear by.

Your mother is an angel, ladies. Thanks for letting me borrow her.

Leighton

You say that, but you’ve clearly never pissed her off.

Elora

I would warn against it.

Alice

Under no circumstances can you steal her perfume whilst wearing her high heels.

Leighton

One time. It happened one time.

Kaia

Hold up. How in the hell are you texting right now?

Brexley

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