Page 138 of Four Fiances & I

“Is that it? That’s when you wake up?” Sean asks. I consider telling them about Mum but, for some reason, decide against it. I will one day, but not yet.

We stay silent for a moment; they give me the time to breathe, which I need right now. Before I get a chance to be asked any more questions, I climb off the bed and stand in front of my brothers, promising with one look that I have their backs and that I always will, before walking out of the door.

ChapterForty-Six

JASMINE

“Shit.”

Looking away from the door, Jason sits on the edge of the bed and puts his head in his hands.

“Did you have any idea he was so bad?” Sean asks as I move to kneel behind Jason, wrap my arms around him, and lean my cheek against his back. I think we both need some sort of comfort right now.

“No,” Jason replies, placing a hand over mine resting on his stomach.

“Have you seen him this bad before?” Maximus asks. I don’t think he has looked away from the door since Christian left.

“Only once. He didn’t sleep for a month after Mum died, because of nightmares. Tommy was fucking vicious with him when it started affecting his fights and everything else.”

The twins both curse under their breath; Maximus pinches the bridge of his nose as Sean rubs the back of his neck.

“What do we do to help?”

“So now you fucking care?” Sean spins around and stares at his twin as Jason and I look on in surprise.

“What the fuck is that meant to mean?” Maximus snaps, turning his attention to Sean, who looks angrier than I have ever seen him towards his brother.

“You know what it fucking means. You have made it your mission to give him shit for months. From the sly comments to throwing downright nasty insults, don’t forget Christmas when you only got the bloody puppy for Jaz to piss him off!”

“Enough,” Jason snaps as I stare at Maximus, my mouth hanging open. Did he really use a gift for me to get at his brother? I think I know the answer from how he refuses to look in my direction.

“He goes harder on me than anyone else, don’t try and say he doesn’t because he fucking does,” Maximus yells, pointing towards the door, which is thankfully closed. “So yes, I make comments and digs and do things just to push his buttons; what does he expect when he bitches at me all the time!” He closes the distance between him and Sean, so they are nose to nose. The two-inch height difference between them means Maximus is looking down at him. “But not once, not for a second, have I not loved my brother. He’s not the only one who would take a bullet for each of you because I would, too. Without a second thought, I would jump in front of that prick. Because as much as we rile each other up, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for that man. He may be a prick, but he’s our fucking prick, and he's been the best father we could have ever asked for, which says it all as he’s only meant to be our brother.”

I don’t miss the way Sean doesn’t look away from his brother, but his eyes soften as he realises there is so much love between them under the looks, digs, and everything else.

“He only goes harder on you because you have always reminded him of himself.” The twins finally stop staring at each other and turn to Jason, who takes my hand and pulls me around him, so I’m curled up on his lap. Jason holds me tightly for comfort, and I’m okay with that.

“You have always strived to be like Christian, it's why you went into boxing in the first place. You jumped at every chance you could to be just like him, and as you got older, that didn’t change, and you know it.” Jason tightens his arms around me as I relax into him, letting him know I’m here for him.

“Most would take that as a compliment, but he doesn’t,” Maximus mumbles.

“Of course he doesn’t, you absolute dickhead!” All three guys watch me climb off Jason's lap and stand before Maximus.

“Excuse me?” Maximus stares down at me, but I’ve had enough of the bickering and snide comments, like everyone else.

“I called you a dickhead, and no, I’m not taking it back.” I don’t give him a chance to answer again before I finally snap. “One of these days, you are going to realise how much that man hates himself.” I stare at him while pointing towards the door. “I know each of you hates having to kill people. We are all well aware that Christian will try to be the one to do it rather than any of you. Have you ever seen him after he’s killed someone? I don’t mean when he knows you are around, but when he is in the shower, alone and broken. Because I have. Have you heard him crying out in his sleep because he's reliving what he's done? No, but I have. Why do you think he gets up before the rest of us every morning and very rarely sleeps in whatever bed we end up in? Because he doesn’t want us to know he’s suffering.

“That man in there wouldn’t only kill others to save you, but he would kill himself before letting you turn out like him. That’s why he’s tough on you; he doesn’t want you to follow in his footsteps. He blames himself for every single thing that has gone wrong in all our lives. But most of all, he blames himself for the fact you have to do the things you do.” I turn away from a shocked-looking Maximus, not caring what he has to say on the matter. We are all sick of the way he can be with Christian, and it needs to stop.

“Why did he react so badly when he walked into the bathroom? That wasn’t just because I was in there.”

Jason shakes his head before looking at the others.

“You were singing the song Mum used to sing all the time. She loved the Beatles, but something about ‘Blackbird’ made her sing it more than any other,” he sighs, looking at the door.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have stopped,” I point out, devastated that I’ve been walking around for weeks unknowingly singing a song that upsets them all. But when Jason turns back to me, he’s smiling.

“Because I love hearing it. It’s like she’s here again.”

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