Page 98 of Better Late Than Never

He gave a soft, breathless laugh. “Surprise?”

I chuckled, and we sank into another long kiss. We could’ve stayed like that all damn day, but as the dust settled, reality set in.

We had trains to catch.

Fortunately, we hadn’t killed too much time, and we weren’t far from the train station. All we had to do was clean up, get dressed, and head out, even if it was a chore to pry ourselves apart.

As we left the room and returned to the real world, I struggled to find my balance. It wasn’t just from my orgasm, either; everything felt surreal. The world around us. Everything we’d done just before we left. Just… everything.

It was just a quick and dirty handjob between two guys who were too horny to wait until we got home. Right?

Except… no. It hadn’t been like that at all. Yeah, we’d been horny. Yeah, we’d needed to get each other off.

But Connor hadn’t kissed me or touched me like he was horny and wanted to get us both off.

He’d touched me like he wantedme.

* * *

After eating a light lunch in the train station, we decided to board the same train after all. There was no point in one of us loitering around the station for an hour or two, and as always, if someone saw us, we could just say we ran into each other and figured we’d sit together to pass the time.

We settled into a car with our coffee. There were a few people in here with us, but they were mostly clustered toward the other end and no one paid any attention to us.

My head was still light after that orgasm. He always rocked my world, and this morning was no exception.

As the train started moving, though, he seemed to be someplace else. Lost in thought, and not necessarily a good one.

I nudged him gently with my foot. “Hey. What’s on your mind?”

“Oh. Um.” He met my gaze, but he still hesitated. After a moment, though, he took a breath. “Can I ask you about something personal?”

Now it was my turn to be caught off-guard, but I pretended I wasn’t. “Sure. Yeah.” I gestured with my coffee cup. “I think we’re past the point of ‘too personal,’ aren’t we?”

Connor laughed. “Okay, maybe. But, um…” He sobered a little and searched my eyes. “Out of curiosity… why did you decide to stay closeted all this time?”

Oh.

That.

I took another swallow of coffee. “Like I said before, I was in while DADT was still in effect. After it was lifted, most people I knew who came out were fine, but a few had problems.”

Connor scowled. “Me too. I wasn’t out myself, but I remember hearing about some people getting grief for it.”

“Right? So I just… I decided I didn’t want to chance it. I wanted to stay in long enough to retire, and I was afraid it might derail my career.”

He nodded as I spoke. “I don’t blame you. I remember during that time thinking I was glad I was married to a woman. There was no reason for me to come out, so I didn’t have to chance any blowback.”

“I was the opposite—I was just hooking up and maybe having a casual relationship here and there. I didn’t have anything serious enough to make coming out worthwhile, so…” I half-shrugged. “I kept it to myself.”

He watched me silently for a moment. “What changed with Tobias?”

I jumped like he’d kicked me. “What?”

“You dated him, didn’t you? Like… an actual relationship?” Connor tilted his head. “I’m just curious what was different with him.”

“Oh. Um.” I swallowed, the back of my throat acidic just from the thought of that shitshow. “I didn’t go into it planning on dating him.”

“No?”

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