But who else could he fuck? That’s why we’re hooking up—because he doesn’t have other options.
Sighing, I closed my eyes, cuddled closer to him, and kissed the back of his shoulder. Yeah, I knew that. I was a convenient piece of ass, same as I was for any man. That was all I ever wanted from them or offered them, so it worked out.
It was fun, and it would be fun while it lasted. Then we’d both move on, and I’d just keep counting down the days until I was a civilian.
And maybe once I was out of the Navy, I could actually invest in someone emotionally.
Maybe I could find someone who thought I was worth the price of admission.
* * *
The sex, traveling, and texting were fun as hell. Maybe they wouldn’t last forever, but I was determined to enjoy them for as long as they did.
I’d had this kind of dynamic with guys before. Great sex, flirty messages in between—it wasn’t anything new, though I didn’t usually travel with my booty calls. Except Connor and I weren’t traveling together as a couple. We were traveling as cover so no one caught on that we were screwing.
What threw me for a loop was the time inbetweenall the sex, traveling, and texting. When I had to go through the motions of my job and my daily life, and I caught myself feeling anchorless. Rudderless. Like I was just… drifting along, waiting for a text notification or for the right time to get myself over to Connor’s place.
That was weird. I mean, I’d caught myself daydreaming about sex with Isidoro, especially right after a hot night together or when I knew I’d see him that evening. It was distracting, what could I say?
But that hadn’t been like this. Yeah, I thought about everything Connor and I did in the bedroom—none of that was ever far from my mind—but I wasn’t used to…
Tomissingsomeone like this.
God. Yeah. That was what it was, wasn’t it? When I wasn’t around Connor, I missed him, and not just his body. The long conversations. Chilling beside his pool with cold beers. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes whenever he laughed. Just… being around him.
There was no language barrier, and not just because we were both English speakers. We could talk about the day-to-day bullshit at the hospital because he understood all the idiosyncrasies of that chain of command, the military in general, and everything that came with working in healthcare. I could tell him stories from past commands without having to stop and explain all the acronyms and weird quirks of the military that were alien to civilians.
I liked being around him. I likedhim. When I wasn’t with him…
Hell. Was this what pining felt like? Because I’d never pined for anyone, but now I was somewhere between a lost puppy and a kid trying to sleep on Christmas Eve—acutely aware of his absence and at the same time, almost vibrating with anticipation over seeing him again.
Especially because I would see him again in just a few hours. He’d text me when he was off work, and I’d head over to his place, and we’d?—
“Oh, hey,thereyou are.”
The voice startled me out of my thoughts. I shook myself and came back to earth, realizing first that I was at the Navy Exchange. How long had I been standing here, staring at trash bags? I needed to get some, didn’t I? Christ, I was out of it today.
And the second thing I realized was who had spoken to me.
Tobias.
Fuck me. There went my good mood, deflating like a balloon as I met those irritatingly familiar eyes. I definitely hadn’t missedhimwhenever we were separated, not even when things were—well, they were nevergoodbetween us, but they’d been less bad. They’d been okay enough that I’d more or less enjoyed his company.
I schooled my expression. “Hey.”
He studied me, and I again wondered how long I’d been standing here like a dumbass. And how long he’d been watching me.
“You haven’t been around much lately.” The comment was made like an observation, but I’d known him long enough to catch the accusatory edge. The unspoken,Where the fuck have you been?
I had to bite back a smile.Wouldn’t you like to know where I’ve been?
Keeping my tone and expression bored—not just neutral, but gray-rock-bored, I said, “I’ve been busy.”
“Uh-huh.” Tobias inclined his head a little. “So what’s his name?”
I tensed before I could tell myself not to. “What’s his—what makes you think there’s a ‘he’ involved?”
That condescending laugh made me want to snatch a box of trash bags off the shelf and hurl it at his head. “Oh, Alex. My guy.” He stepped closer and put a heavy hand on my shoulder. “I know when you’re getting ass.”