Page 55 of Better Late Than Never

ALEX

To say Connor’s offer was tempting would be a massive understatement. The moment he’d put it out there, I’d wanted to take him up on it. More than once since I’d come back to Radiology, I’d seriously considered it.

And then, the day after Connor had made that offer, Tobias came strutting into my office like he owned the place. Before dropping into my guest chair, he “accidentally” clipped the metal file cabinet with his shoe, the metalclangmaking me jump just like it always did.

Gritting my teeth, I didn’t even try to hide my annoyance as I asked, “What?”

“What?” He blinked stupidly, acting completely innocent as if he was welcome here and that he hadn’t just deliberately poked at my PTSD.

“I’ve got work to do.” I gestured at a stack of file folders that he didn’t need to know were for my chief to deal with. “I’m pretty sure you have to do things, too. At least once in a while.”

That barb hit its mark, and he glared at me. Tobias hated when people joked about civilian contractors getting paid out the ass to do basically nothing. Probably because he knew that was exactly what he was doing, no matter how much he wanted everyone to believe he did important shit.

He crossed his arms. “Someone switch your coffee to decaf? Or are you just being a bitch for no reason?”

I gritted my teeth, determined not to let him under my skin, and I repeated, “I have work to do.”

“Of course you do.” He didn’t move. “So where’d you go last weekend?”

My blood turned cold. Oh fuck. He didn’t see me, did he? “What makes you think I went anywhere?”

“You weren’t home.”

“I wasn’t—” I inclined my head. “Were you at my place?”

Tobias shrugged. “I was in Chipiona and stopped by to see if you wanted to grab a drink.” He huffed an ugly laugh. “Since your car was gone, I figured you must’ve actually gone out of town instead of to your fuck buddy’s place.”

That made my damn skin crawl, but I affected annoyance. “For the record, I don’t want to go grab a drink. Ever. I also don’t want you coming by my apartment. Is that clear?” I gestured toward the door. “And would you mind getting out of here? I really do have work to do.”

He chuckled as if he’d gotten some reaction he wanted, and he made a big show of getting to his feet. “I’ll get out of your hair. But hey, if you’re not busy this weekend, let me know and we can?—”

“I could be bored off my ass with a parade keeping me awake outside my window,” I growled, “and I still wouldn’t reach out to you.”

He just laughed dismissively and left.

Alone in the office again, I leaned back against my chair and ground out a “fuuuck.” I hated that he was this persistent. I hated how many times it had worked in the past—I was as lonely as he’d carefully made me, and he knew exactly how to take advantage of that. He was just biding his time until I finally got desperate enough that his company sounded better than my own.

Not this time. No fucking way.

Not after I’d finally had a taste of something good, even if I couldn’t have it again.

It was kind of mind-boggling how much a single brief trip with Connor had further soured my feelings for Tobias. Just seeing the asshole’s face had already filled me with disgust and resentment. Now that I knew Connor’s gentle touch, playful laugh, and sweet personality, the mere sound of Tobias’s voice nauseated me.

How the fuck did I waste so much time on you?

Because he love-bombed me and isolated me from what few friends I had at the time, so…

Ugh. Wasn’t that the truth. And most of those friends had since transferred out of Spain and into the realms of occasional social media contact. I hadn’t made any new friends during that year with Tobias, so once I’d come out of his chokehold, I’d been isolated and alone. Exactly the way he’d undoubtedly planned it, and exactly right so that I’d come crawling back now and then for some intimacy, no matter how much I’d hate myself afterward. I’d done exactly that more times than I cared to think about, and if I felt much lower than I did now, I’d probably give in again. Fucking fabulous.

I rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. Ihadto stop giving in. No amount of loneliness was worth the self-loathing after a night like him.

Maybe I needed to spend more time in Isidoro’s bed. At least that would chase away the craving for human contact. He didn’t want anything serious, and there was too much of a language barrier for much of a relationship anyway. Plus it was only a matter of time before one or both of us were transferred someplace else.

And it wasn’t just intimacy that was hard to find. The long-term active duty life didn’t lend itself to relationships, and it didn’t lend itself to friendships either, especially overseas. As soon as I started to really connect with someone, one of us would be sent elsewhere. I did make friends at work and around the base, but we’d inevitably end up on opposite sides of the planet, keeping up via social media and nothing else.

And it didn’t help being an unmarried senior enlisted guy with no kids. Most of the people my age had families and hung out with other families. I couldn’t make friends with the younger service members or even the chiefs above me for the same reason I couldn’t screw Connor—fraternization.

I wondered sometimes how I’d let Tobias get so close to me and stick around for so long, but what could I say? I got as lonely as the next person, and that made it really fucking hard to say no to the unicorn—the queer guy who spoke English, wasn’t off-limits, and wanted me, even if all he really wanted was a hole to fuck and a head to fuck with.

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