Page 108 of Better Late Than Never

Huh. That was a thought. Another partner joining the family. Savannah was part of the family now, and she’d become a fixture in all our lives. Who was to say I wouldn’t find a partner who’d do the same?

What if that partner is Alex?

That thought very nearly made me stumble as I followed my kids and the tour guide back to the van to head to our next stop.

No. That wasn’t who Alex and I were.

But…

Why was it so easy to imagine him bantering with my sons and future daughter-in-law? Why was it so easy to imagine him here with us? Or riding a train with us to some destination in Spain? Or hanging out in my pool while I cooked for everyone?

Why did that make so much sense?

But we can’t do that.

Not until Alex retired. Which was less than a year and a half away. I’d knuckled through medical school, combat and shipboard deployments, and the three-year-long grind of a separation before Aimee and I were finally divorced. They’d always seemed impossibly long in the beginning, but once they were over, they wereover.

The last year and a half of Alex’s career would be a piece of cake.

Was it too much to hope he’d still want this after he retired?

* * *

After we’d visited the lighthouse, the caves, and a few other stops outside the city, our guide drove us back into town. He took us by the summer palace of the Moroccan king and a huge one owned by the Saudi king, as well as several incredible mosques. While he drove us toward the medina to explore the town, I showed my kids some of the photos I’d taken at the Mezquita in Córdoba.

“Do you think we’ll have time to check that out?” Landon asked. “Because I want to see that!”

“Probably.” I thumbed through some photos. “We could make a day trip out of it. It’s only a couple of hours by train, and it doesn’t take that long to explore the city or the Mezquita.” I looked at each of the boys and Savannah in turn. “I got us tickets for the Alhambra already, and that’ll be an overnight trip since they’re for the morning. But nothing else is set in stone.”

Quinn shrugged. “We can figure out an itinerary when we get back to your place. I really want to see it, though. And the Alhambra.”

I nodded, pocketing my phone. “Okay, we’ll figure it out. We should have time to do both.”

Everyone was in agreement on that, and we shifted our attention back to enjoying Tangier.

Our guide parked just outside the medina, and we continued on foot. He took us through a bustling farmers market and the enormous fish market. We toured an Anglican church, and then a beautiful synagogue. The mosques weren’t open to visitors, but they were still cool as hell from the outside.

We wandered shops and stalls in both the Muslim and Jewish sectors, and our guide helped us haggle with shopkeepers. Savannah bought a stunning red-and-gold dress, Quinn found a hardwood carving of a camel, and they picked up a beautiful decorative plate for their apartment. Landon got a straw hat with brightly colored yarn balls around the brim; our guide said it was a traditional hat usually worn by Berber women, but Landon wanted to put it up on his wall. Savannah offered to wear it for the day so he didn’t have to carry it, and the shopkeeper clapped her hands and said—according to our guide’s translation—that it looked lovely on her.

At one shop, Quinn mentioned to Landon that they should bring a gift back for their mom. “We’ll definitely get her something from Spain, but I think she’d really like something from here, too.”

“Good idea.” Landon scanned the shop’s shelves. “What do you think she’d like?”

Quinn pursed his lips. Then he turned to me. “Dad, what do you think?”

It was a little bittersweet, helping the boys pick out something for her. Not in a way that made me long to go back to being married to her, but in a way that made me miss things like this—helping them find a Christmas or birthday present for her, or helping them make breakfast on Mother’s Day. They worshipped the ground she walked on, as they should, and I was glad they adored and respected her. That they were always so earnest about finding her a gift she’d really like instead of some tchotchke that would end up in a drawer somewhere.

It made me miss doing things like this with them, which in turn made me miss the everyday things—going to the commissary with them, or having dinner at home, or watching a movie as a family. I’d missed a lot of their lives, and nothing drove that home like only getting to see them when they came to visit me for ten short days. When would I see them again after this? It was hard to say. Quinn and Savannah’s graduation, definitely; I wasn’t missing that for the world. After that? No idea.

I understood more profoundly than ever why a lot of my colleagues lamented getting toward the end of their careers, being proud of all they’d accomplished, but then realizing to their horror how much they’d missed. No military career advanced without taking a toll at home.

Though if I was honest, the military had probably extended the life of my marriage, for better or worse. We’d done our level best to work together and get through everything the Navy threw at us, and we hadn’t had time to focus on all the reasons we were probably doomed from the start. At the end of the day, Aimee and I had gone from a pair of scared, clueless kids leaning on each other to two adults who weren’t at all compatible. That had been a tough pill to swallow, but?—

“What about this?” Landon’s voice pulled me out of my melancholy thoughts and back into the present. He held up a small wooden box with an intricate design inlaid on the lid.

“She might like that,” Quinn said. “Can I see it?” Landon gave it to him, and Quinn inspected the inside and the hinges while Savannah looked over his shoulder. They looked at each other and exchanged nods. Then he offered it to me. “What do you think?”

I took it. It was really nice and didn’t feel the least bit flimsy. The hinges were strong, and everywhere the wood had been joined felt even and solid. The inlays were smooth as silk—no rough or uneven edges anywhere. Handing it to Landon, I said, “I think she’d love that.”

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