Page 86 of On a Fault Line

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When I accepted the job at Plus None, I knew that the overall work environment was going to be fantastic based on my bosses, and every time I do anything affiliated with the company, my initial instincts are proven to be true. I just never expected to be having this much fun, while splashing in the Willamette River.

The last four hours was spent in the studio doing indoor shots for upcoming boxes. However, being outside and in nature is my jam. All of my senses are awakened, and I feel like I’m in my element, so much so that it will never feel right accepting the salary and benefits the girls are offering to me. This is way too much fun to be considered work.

But deep down, I know that to stand out, I need to put forth a little extra effort to make this special.

Despite Angie and Claire not wanting to pressure me, I feel like this is my one moment to prove myself.

“Give me flirty, with a side of sophistication,” the photographer directs, snapping pictures of me, while I scrunch up the hem of my white sundress. “Yes, that. That there makes Gino happy. Do more of that. Bring it up to your face. Now look off in the distance and smile.” His friendliness allows me to relax into the task, making my mind float off into another place while my movements become as fluid as the river. “Beautiful. That. Keep doing that dreamy thing. You look like an angel.”

Swaying my hips, I find my groove, allowing my movements to match the energy.

“Is this newfound inspiration about a boyfriend or someone you have a crush on?” Gino asks.

“I, um, don’t…” Have a boyfriend. I mean, Collins isn’t a crush either.

But what is he?

My bodyguard with benefits… That’s what he is. But I sure as hell am not revealing this information to Gino.

“Oh, I see…”

“Hmm?”

“This is a secret relationship?” he asks, but it comes out more as a statement, as he continues to snap shots of me that I can only assume aren’t that flattering. “Nothing says ‘fuck me now’ like a forbidden romance.”

And I lose my composure, bursting out into laughter.

“Yes, girl! These candid shots are going to be gold. I just hope that this secret man of yours is the kind of guy who will suck you at a sex club and then vacuum out your car the next day.”

My giggling can be heard probably a mile away. Not only is Gino’s description of Collins spot-on, but every time I think of him, I can’t help but feel joy radiating through me.

Pictures get snapped as I recover from laughing so hard my cheeks hurt.

But when I tilt my head to the side, I catch the sight of a crowd of onlookers, hanging out on the beach watching meperform. A shyness rushes over my skin, and I can feel the heat from the golden hour’s sun reach my ears.

“Hey, I lost you,” Gino says, snapping his fingers. He turns and looks back at the shoreline. “Wow, you already have a fan club starting.”

I hide my head into my hands, peeking out between my fingers. I’m trying to sell the clothes that Angie has made with her own hands, and yet, the audience gathered makes it seem like I’m selling myself instead.

Gino keeps snapping away, but my eyes keep shifting to those gathered around watching me. “Why are you in your head now?”

“Because I feel like my job is to sell the clothes, and I’m not sure I’m doing that great of a job at that.”

Allowing his camera to fall around his neck on the strap, Gino makes his way toward me, sloshing through the water. “Girl. It’s rarely ever about the clothes in this modeling world. If we just wanted to sell clothes, then we would put them in a light box and skip having anyone wear them. But you are a brand. You are a vibe. You are theitgirl for the company. When potential customers see the photos of you having fun, they will want to buy in to that experience too.”

I offer him back a weak smile. “I just don’t believe in myself the way I think Angie and Claire believe in me.”

Gino clasps his hands over his heart dramatically. “Oh, my heart. When you doubt yourself, you also doubt everyone else working on this team. But when you believe in yourself, it shows that you trust us all to make this adventure work.”

Well, when he puts it that way… “Thank you.”

Leaning in to each other, we hug. I needed this.

Moving back into position, I roll my shoulders and shake off the self-doubt that seems to plague me every time something good is happening in my life.

And I try not to think about the expectations of getting the perfect picture. I try not to obsess over moving in flattering positions.

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