Page 195 of On a Fault Line

Time doesn’t fix anything. It just charges every cell in my body to a throbbing, constant ache. I’m running on a three-day migraine and just a handful of hours of sleep.

I didn’t realize how easy it’s been to sleep next to Penny such that now my body craves her mere presence.

I miss her.

I miss the giggles.

I miss her silly pranks.

I miss smelling strawberries and popcorn on every piece of fabric in my apartment.

I miss how she’s destroyed all order in my life.

I miss it—all of it.

It’s been days since I forced myself to break Penny’s heart in order to help her move on from me. And in those days, I’ve only suffered the tragic loss of the girl I know I love.

When I left her, I crushed her false belief in me that I could be a good guy. And with each passing day, I know that I’m no longer the hero in this story, but without a doubt the villain.

Seeing Penny, beaten and broken from what I did to her, is the worst kind of punishment.

I’ll never be able to move on from that. It’s as if I’m stuck in purgatory, knowing that the end result will be hell. I deserve it too. Because no matter what words I can say as an apology, nothing will ever justify getting involved with her in the first place.

I crossed a line, and if I have to grovel to the entire Hoffman family after this nightmare is over, so be it.

Stepping into the shower, I allow the water to cascade over me.

My wounds from being ambushed by Graham in the boxing ring still burn, but I savor that physical pain and reminder of why I’m staying away from his sister in the first place.

But it still doesn’t keep me from keeping tabs on her like a fucking creeper.

I can’t help myself.

If I can’t have her in my life, I sure as fuck am not going to sit back and allow some asshole to get to her either. As soon as the male population sniffs out that she’s single, they’ll be on the hunt.

I know I’m a ghost stalker.

I know it’s messed up.

I just don’t care.

Knowledge about Penny is my lifeline right now. I just have to be discreet about it and wait for my daily report.

Drying off, I slip into some lounge clothes and lie down in bed.

It feels empty and cold.

I feel empty and cold.

So much has happened over the last week, and yet nothing really at all.

It’s the adrenaline coursing through me as I wait for the signal that Mark Tanner is being transported to the hospital that fuels my passion.

We’ve waited a very long time to rid this earth of his life. I’ll be relieved when my hands are the ones that get to do the final job.

Resting my eyes, I allow my mind to drift off, thinking about what Penny is doing right now. I hope she is less of a mess over this than I am.

The only serenity is in the fact that I’m not a heavy drinker. I may otherwise be hospitalized right now if that was my vice.

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