Page 34 of Beyond the Summer

"His father?"Ben asked, and his frown made my heart sink."The Lawrence Holm?"

Matt nodded, and turned back to his computer, clearly not noticing our distress.Ben spun to face me.

"Your dad is that bigoted TV minister asshole who manipulates people's beliefs for profit?"

My heart plummeted into my stomach.I glanced nervously at Ben, who frowned, his brows knitting together."Yep, that's him," I managed, my voice tight."But I don't really… we're not close."I'm not like him."It's not a secret.You know my last name."

"He's the one who keeps calling and texting."

I knew Ben was putting the pieces together—my upbringing, my father's notorious bigotry, the shame and fear that had kept me in the closet for so long.Matt, seemingly oblivious to the sudden shift in the room, continued on about the possibilities he wanted to explore over the winter.But as he spoke, all I could focus on was the weight of Ben's gaze on me.I could practically see the gears turning in his head, the questions forming on his lips.Was he judging me?Hating my father—and by extension, m

A wave of panic crashed over me, and suddenly, I couldn't breathe.I needed to get out of there, needed to escape the suffocating weight of my past and the fear of what Ben must be thinking.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, pushing back from the desk."I remembered—I have to… I need to go.I'm sorry."

I bolted from the room, my heart pounding in my ears and hot tears stinging my eyes.I didn't know where I was going, only that I needed to put as much distance between myself and the truth of who I was as possible.

Heavy footsteps followed me down the hall.I glanced back to see Ben striding after me, his expression stormy.Oh fuck.

"Sutton, wait."His deep voice made me shiver."I'm sorry.I shouldn't have said those things about your father."

"Why?You were right," I snapped back."He's the reason I'm like this.The reason I fuck everything up.The reason I can't be gay."

I kept walking, almost running now, until a firm hand grabbed my arm and spun me around.My back slammed against the wall and then Ben was there, his lean body pinning me in place, hands cupping my face.

"What—" I started to say, but then his mouth crashed down on mine in a searing kiss, swallowing my words.I whimpered as his tongue plundered my mouth, claiming me.God, he tasted so good.I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

His arms wrapped around me, crushing me to his chest.I melted against him, desire purring through my veins, my cock stiffening in my shorts.I never wanted him to stop kissing me like this, like he owned me.After a few heated moments, Ben gentled the kiss and pulled back slightly to look into my eyes.His blue gaze was intense, searching.

"You're right to be angry," I whispered.

"I'm not angry, I'm worried.What did your father do to you, Sutton?"he asked softly, still holding my face."What happened?"

Tears pricked my eyes, and I opened my mouth, but no words came out.How could I even begin to explain?Ben pulled me into a tight hug again, enfolding me in his warmth and strength.I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, breathing in his crisp, clean scent.I clung to him like he was my lifeline.Maybe he was.

"Shh, I've got you," he murmured, one hand rubbing soothing circles on my back."I'm here.It's okay."

But it wasn't okay.

My knees were weak, and I would have crumpled to the floor if not for Ben's solid frame holding me up.Gently, he lowered us both down until we were sitting with our backs against the wall, me practically in his lap.He never let go, kept his arms around me, one hand stroking my hair.

"Talk to me, Sutton," Ben coaxed quietly."Let it out.I promise, whatever it is, it won't change how I feel about you.He doesn't have that power."

A strangled sob escaped my throat.Could I really do this?I met Ben's eyes and realized that I wanted to.I wasn't sure how long we sat there, but Ben was patient, stroking my hair, soothing me, and eventually, the words finally started to flow.

"Growing up, my parents were never around much," I began, my voice quavering."My dad was always off filming his sermons—he'd call it crusading against sin.My mom was usually by his side or at some spa 'recharging her batteries.'I spent most of my childhood with nannies and at boarding schools."

"Baby," Ben whispered, his arms tightening.

"It wasn't all bad, I don't think.I had the same nanny until I was ten, and she was amazing, warm, and loving.He was this awful, threatening figure looming in the background."

I swallowed hard, steeling myself for the next part."When I was fourteen, I met Elliot.He was my roommate at school, and he was the first other gay guy I'd ever been close to.It was life-changing, and he taught me so much about who I was.At first, we were friends, but eventually, we became more."A wistful smile touched my lips at the memory."For the first time, I felt like someone truly saw me."

"What happened?"Ben asked gently when I trailed off.

"My father found out."Fresh tears streaked my cheeks, but I forged ahead."He was livid.He ranted about how no son of his was going to be a filthy sodomite.He called in favors, got Elliot expelled and blacklisted from every prep school on the West Coast.I never saw him again."

Ben's arms tightened around me, and I could feel the anger thrumming through him on my behalf."That fucking bastard," he bit out."I'm so sorry, Sutton.You didn't deserve that, and neither did your friend."

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