Page 18 of Beyond the Summer

"You're with Micah, right?He's a cool kid.I don't think he'll be a dick about it."

Sam nodded, tears coming to their eyes again."I hope not.Sometimes you can't tell who will react weirdly.And it's not even like he'll be able to tell.I just… it's uncomfortable for me."

"Would you be most comfortable in your own tent?"I asked.

"Um, I don't know," Sam admitted, biting their lip."I think so, but we don't have enough for that, do we?"

"Let me see what I can do, alright?"I said, giving Sam a reassuring pat on the shoulder.They nodded gratefully, and I got up to find Ben.

Ben

"Fuck,thistentistiny."Sutton's cheeks were flushed, and his eyes darted to me as I zipped the door shut on the neon green two-person tent he'd volunteered us to sleep in.It had taken a little while to get Sam and Micah settled and to move all the sleeping mats and bags between tents, but it was done now.And I was beyond impressed with Sutton's thoughtfulness.

"Well, I might have brought a bigger tent if I knew we'd have to share," I sighed, stripping off my sweaty shirt and changing into something clean to sleep in.I folded my shorts neatly into the pile of clothes in the corner, then tugged on some leggings, which functioned both as a warm layer and pajama pants.When I looked up, Sutton was watching me, worry in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Sorry for what?"I asked absently as I set up my sleeping space.There was something satisfying about the design of the tent, with the little pockets and hooks to keep things off the floor.Everything had a place, and it was nice to get it neat and perfectly organized.I loved the stark minimalism of the backpacking life.Everything in backpacking had to have a purpose.There was no wasted space, and the gear was all innovative and cool.I grabbed a hoodie and stuffed it into my sleeping back stuff sack to make a pillow, setting up my little LED backpacking lamp, my book, and my glasses case to prepare for bed.

Sutton cleared his throat."I'm sorry that I gave my tent away.I'm sure you'd rather be alone."

That made me stop and glance his way, brows furrowed together in confusion."Sutton.You gave the tent to a child who needed it to feel comfortable.Why would I be upset about that?You did a good thing."

"Oh."He ducked his chin and tucked his knees against his chest, staring at the wall of the tent.How such a massive man looked so small and vulnerable, I'd never understand.My rapidly changing opinion of Sutton unsettled me, and I wasn't sure how to interact with him anymore.Did I give him a hug?Compliment him?Ask him what was wrong?

It had been so much easier to think of him as a cocky asshole, not a complex individual with needs and feelings of his own.The first session, I knew where I stood.We were antagonists, constantly at odds.He'd make a remark, I'd clap back.It was easy.

But his recent actions were forcing me to look back at how rude I'd been over the past five weeks.Was I the asshole in this scenario?Sure, I'd been defending Parker, but that was no excuse for me to be mean.Be the bigger person.My stepbrother's voice echoed in my head, taunting me.

I cleared my throat, feeling a little nervous as I realized, about three weeks too late, that Matt was right.I needed to be kind to this man, to get to know him, to understand where he was coming from.And that was so much scarier than fighting with him.As I studied him, realizing his eyes were glassy with tears, I tried to channel Matt's easygoing hippie energy, my stepfather's wisdom, my mom's logic, and empathy.

Maybe all Sutton needed was a compliment.

"You're fantastic with the kids," I said."I don't think I could have gotten Sam to open up, and you did it in a matter of minutes."

He shrugged."It wasn't a big deal.Sometimes, you have to know when to be quiet and let people talk in their own time, in their own way."

That was unexpected from someone who usually did so much talking.I zipped up my sleeping bag and stretched out on my back, the ache of the day's work making my body heavy and my head a little fuzzy.Overall, it had been a good day, made even better by Sutton's selfless actions.I stared at the bright green roof of the tent, listening as the nylon of Sutton's sleeping bag rustled while he got comfortable.

His size made the small tent feel even smaller.Once he was lying down, he seemed to take up all the available space, and oddly, I didn't really mind it.When I looked his way, he was staring at me.

Maybe he wanted more reassurance.

"What you did was a big deal, at least for Sam.I'm sure they'll remember your kindness for a long time and look back on this trip fondly.It was very cool of you.Don't think I didn't see the way you quietly talked to the other kids, making sure it wasn't a big deal."

"It was nothing.Anyone would have done it."

"You shouldn't minimize your actions.Not anyone would have done that.Hell, many people are horrible to kids like Sam.Not you, though.You're so supportive and encouraging of these kids.You're helping them all to be true to themselves."

Sutton smiled, looking oddly shy."Thank you.I wish the camp was better set up for LGBTQ+ kids."

"How do you mean?"

"Sam had a point.Why is everything at camp so divided into binary genders?Why not mix boys and girls?Or provide space for kids who identify in other ways?"

"You should bring this up with Matt.He needs to hear these things."

"He wouldn't be able to change it, would he?All the buildings and activities are set up a certain way."

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