Page 16 of Beyond the Summer

"Must have dove under the water or something," I muttered, hoping he didn't know anything about ducks.

"Or something," he said."Want to take the Blue Heron kids out to circle the shoreline?A few of them have asked me if they could go out further, and I said we had to wait for you."

"Sure," I said.

"Nice!"Was it me, or did Sutton look weirdly excited as he turned around, waving his arms."Okay, Blue Herons, circle your kayaks around!We're going to go check out the birds.I spotted a real blue heron across the lake, and there's a nice flock of mallards on the south shore, plus Ben saw a duck diving, so there may be another species here, too!"

I stared at him, blinking slowly."Are you a bird watcher or something?"

He grinned."Onions have hidden depths, right?"

Fuck, he had heard that conversation?I sat back in my kayak and groaned, taking the rear of the line of campers as we slowly paddled around the lake, with Sutton stopping to very clearly point out a mallard dabbling, talking loudly about how they rarely dove underwater.

Sutton

Thedayafterthelake day, we were scheduled to hike into the woods and take the kids camping.And backpacking with twelve middle schoolers was exhausting.By the time we arrived at the grassy meadow where we planned to set up camp for the night, we were all cranky and sore.

Still, it was beautiful.The air was thick with the scent of pine from the dense Pacific Northwest forest that circled the little clearing.A babbling creek ran along one edge, providing a soothing soundtrack to our evening activities, while a steep cliff loomed on the far side.

The plan was to stay for two nights, and we had several activities planned that took advantage of the meadow, from building a survival shelter to splashing in the stream and bouldering on the big rocks that circled the meadow.

"Alright, Blue Heron cabin, let's get these tents up before it gets dark!"I called out, doing my best to sound enthusiastic despite my exhaustion.This was a new spot, and the hike had been longer than last session's.Many of the boys were new to camp and still learning the ropes of camping, and they whined and groaned as they struggled to assemble the tent poles.

"Can't we just sleep under the stars?"one boy complained, pouting as he fumbled with the fabric.

"Too many bugs," Ben chimed in, his voice gruff but not unkind."You don't want to wake up with mosquito bites all over you!"He moved from tent to tent, demonstrating how to stake them to the ground.I stole glances at him as he worked—the way his muscles flexed beneath his t-shirt, the sweat glistening on his brow.The way he chewed on his lip when he was concentrating drove me crazy.

"Ugh, this is so hard," another boy muttered, throwing down a tent stake in frustration.I sighed and knelt beside him, showing him how to find a softer spot to hammer it in, working to hold on to my patience, to be a good example.

"Great job, everyone," Ben said as the last tent was secured.The boys slumped on the grass with tired groans, their faces flushed and sweaty from the day's hike.

"Just a short break," I announced."Then let's make sure we have everything ready for dinner."The boys grumbled again, and I walked to the stream to splash cool water on my face, taking a moment to look around.It was peaceful here.The gentle babble of the creek and the whispering breeze through the pines created a soothing soundtrack for our camp out.And there was something else: the absolute certainty that my father could never reach me here.

Relaxed for the first time since my conversation with my father at the start of break, I glanced around at the boys from the Blue Heron cabin.They'd all gotten to work, and Ben was with them, filtering water for their water bottles and showing them how to prep for dinner.He looked up and met my eyes, and for a long moment, we just looked at each other.

He smiled."Have you seen Sam?I did a head count and didn't see him."

My heart squeezed with concern as I stood and scanned the area, finally spotting a slight form alone sitting on a boulder at the edge of the clearing.I walked closer, frowning when I saw that Sam's shoulders were hunched and shaking.I carefully approached the boulder, not wanting to make a commotion.

"Hey, Sam," I said softly, sitting down beside Sam on the rock."Is something wrong?"

"Nothing."Sam avoided eye contact, sniffling quietly.

I didn't press him further, instead just sitting beside Sam, letting the camper know I was there without intruding on whatever was going on.I knew what it felt like to have people intrude when it wasn't wanted, when whatever was wrong couldn't be helped.We sat like that for what felt like an eternity, the sunset painting the sky with brilliant shades of red and gold.At last, I heard Sam take a shaky breath, seeming to gather the courage to speak.

"Everything's just…hard sometimes, you know?"Sam whispered.

"We all have those days.But remember, we're all in this together.You can lean on us when things get tough."

Sam nodded, still sniffling quietly.I looked back towards the camp, giving Ben a little wave to let him know I had things handled, though I was sure Ben wouldn't interfere.For all the things Ben got bossy about, he seemed to trust me with our charges.Ben smiled at me, then went back to taking care of dinner for the rest of the kids, moving among the boys as they started a campfire and prepped the evening meal.

For a moment, I gave in to the ever-present temptation to watch Ben.My eyes were drawn to the way his lean body moved effortlessly through the process of starting a fire, his muscles flexing beneath his t-shirt.His thick, dark hair fell over his forehead, and he brushed it out of the way, leaving a smudge of charred wood behind, like a big unibrow over his glasses.A camper pointed it out, and he laughed, deep dimples flashing in his cheeks.He was so damn cute, and it was embarrassing how much I was crushing on him.

I'd always told myself I wasn't the boyfriend type—I preferred anonymous, raunchy nights in clubs, hooking up with men who were just as eager to fuck as I was.I loved cock, and I had no interest in anything more, and that was a fact.For so long, I'd told myself that my sexual preferences weren't a result of the restrictions placed upon my sexuality.Sure, I couldn't see a future with any guy, but the slut thing was just me.I loved hot, nasty, anonymous sex, and a lot of it.Even my disastrous relationship with Parker had started as a casual affair.I'd cut it off as soon as I'd realized that Parker had caught feelings, but it had been too late to stop him from getting hurt.Too late to stop my father from finding out.

Although I wasn't proud of how hurt Parker had been, I'd been clear from the beginning.And sure, I'd agreed to a few dates with him, in a rare moment of weakness.But romance and dates weren't interesting to me.I enjoyed being a freeuse fuck hole for all the men in my life.I was not, in any sense of the word, boyfriend material.

So it made no sense that Ben was causing all kinds of feelings to boil up.He was nothing but a gruff, bossy geek, and he was so far from my type that it was almost unfathomable that my body responded to him.I was a big guy but still preferred men who could physically dominate me, big older bears or jocks with muscles for days.Ben was handsome enough, but too slim to manhandle me the way I craved.

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