Page 52 of Addicted

Taking a deep breath, Liam dropped his hands and looked up at the sky. It was a clear midsummer night and the stars flickered brightly next to a slim crescent moon, glittering in a way that made Liam contemplative and somewhat hopeful.

Maybe this was a gift since he’d lost so much. Like the scales needed to be balanced somewhere. But it wasn’t that cut and dry, there were issues, things to consider. Their age difference. Their working relationship. Owen’s divorce. Liam’s grief. The fact that Owen was a reminder of the past. Or was he?

Liam pressed his lips together in a frown as he leaned against the brick wall of a coffee shop that had closed hours ago. Thankfully, there were few people on the street to witness his realization.

He’d been wrong.

Owen’s presence hadn’t haunted Liam. There weren’t any painful memories, only promising new ones, including enjoyable job duties, quiet lunches, silly texts, support, and friendship. Owen made Liam feel valued again, giving him back pieces of himself that he thought he’d lost.

Liam’s heart dropped straight into his stomach as he realized that he’d taken the pills for nothing. They were supposed to have been a crutch but, if he was honest with himself, he didn’t need one. He loved working in the office.

And he loved Owen. He had for a long time now, throughout all of Owen’s incarnations - from unattainable neighbor to Ideal Owen to the real man who had problems and faults but was still perfect in Liam’s eyes.

However, there were still so many doubts. Would this be a disaster once Owen realized how broken Liam was? The panic attack in the storage room was nothing. What would Owen do when he found out that Liam could spend days wrapped in his cocoon? That he had most of his childhood home in boxes that he still couldn’t unpack? That he hadn’t even been to his parents’ graves?

That he was addicted to Vicodin?

That thought seemed to summon his dependence, for a raw and sticky feeling washed over him, his muscles shaking as his lack of high made itself known. He could almost hear the rumbling crack of the chasm inside him as it widened, filling with more grief. He’d vented some of it in Owen’s office and the kisses had kept it at bay, but now? It was hovering like dark storm clouds before a tornado and Liam was afraid. Wrapping his arms around his stomach, he bent over, breathing heavily.

How bad would he feel when he stopped the pills completely? Because he needed to. It was the only way he could have Owen. Liam didn’t know if it was sad or funny that he’d started because of Owen and now he’d have to stop because of him too. But he couldn’t think about pursuing any kind of relationship if he wasn’t clean. In the beginning, those small white wonders had made him feel like he could be normal again, a more functional person who participated in life without breaking down every few hours. And he was. But now he relied on them, needed them, and they’d become insidious. Taking whatever life he had left.

And he wanted to give that life to Owen.

There was a busy two weeks ahead, with Owen’s birthday party at the end of them, but Liam could take time off after that to go clean. He had some vacation built up. Or he could tell everyone he had the flu. He’d done his research; it shouldn’t take more than a few days to get through detox. He was up to five pills a day now and while it wasn’t a dangerous dosage, he was right on the cusp, so it would be the perfect time to stop.

But he still was running low and needed to see Zach, for maybe the last time. With a sigh, Liam wiggled his arms, trying to relieve his trembling muscles, and straightened up, heading back the way he came and making a right toward Bar None.

“Small problem,” Zach said as the bathroom door swung shut behind him. It hit the frame with a bang and Liam jumped at the sound even though he knew it was coming.

“What’s wrong?” Liam tried to keep his voice steady. It had been alongday. He’d passed exhaustion hours ago and now felt raw and jangled, his eyes darting everywhere. All the stall doors were open and it was more than obvious that they were alone but Liam’s anxiety insisted that someone could still materialize from thin air and catch them in the act.

Zach scratched at his beard. Liam wasn’t sure if he was trying to grow it in or if he was too lazy to shave.

“My supplier doesn’t have fives right now.”

Liam must’ve looked terrified because Zach held up his hands.

“Wait, don’t start crying, Princess. There are options.” Zach dug into his pockets as Liam watched, his heart rate still skyrocketing while a distant part of him cringed at the nickname.

This was bad. Things were switching up right as Liam was nearing the finish line. What if these pills didn’t work? What if they made Liam sicker? What if they weremoreaddictive?

“Here we go.” Zach slipped a translucent blue bag into Liam’s palm, squeezing it as he did so. It took everything Liam had not to recoil, disgust joining his usual grief and anxiety. It amplified the guilt he felt over sending Marci and Owen a text that said he’d gotten home fine when he wasn’t home and he definitely wasn’t fine. “These Vikes are seven point fives, a little stronger so you won’t need as much.”

“Oh.” Liam squinted at the bag in his hand and then shoved it in his pocket, feeling cautious yet slightly calmer.

“Buuuut,” Zach intoned and Liam snapped his head up, the calm twisting into suspicion. “It’s gonna cost a little more.”

Of course it would but Liam didn’t have a choice. There weren’t pill shops out there for Liam to browse, and he didn’t have it in him to lie to a doctor or start detoxing tomorrow. So, he had to hand over his cash and ignore the gleam in Zach’s eye as he looked at Liam, the money, and then Liam again.

Liam’s body shuddered once more and he gritted his teeth, pushing his wallet back in his pants and trying not to visibly shake.

Zach must’ve noticed because his laugh hit Liam like a slap to the face.

“Feelin’ it?”

“What?” Liam took a step back, wrapping his arms around his body.

“Like your muscles are crawlin’ out of your skin? And you’re sorta spinny?” He laughed again, although it was more of a biting chuckle this time, but no matter what it was Liam could tell it was at his expense.

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