Page 81 of Addicted

Liam looked down at where his hand rested, then back up at Owen’s face. His eyes were no longer hollow; instead, they were a kaleidoscope of emotion, full of the battles he’d been fighting for the last three years. He opened his mouth, then closed it, clearly trying to find the energy and courage to fight again. And Owen needed to give him the support he was promising and come clean. Liam had hidden things but Owen had too and it didn’t matter if it was inadvertent, if he’d needed time to process. If he wanted Liam to talk, to share, to trust, then he needed to live by example.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone so important to you that it stops your world and you’re stuck, exactly like you were the minute they left. I lost Michael.” He wrapped his hand over Liam’s, keeping it in place.

Liam sniffled. “But Michael is still alive. You’ll get to see him when he’s eighteen. You’re his father.”

“Not biologically.” Owen hadn’t said the words to anyone but his therapist. Not even to Finn, not yet. “I lost custody because he’s not mine.”

“What?” Shock rippled through Liam’s body and he went stock-still, pinning wide eyes on Owen.

“Remember the call I made in the storage room? How angry I was? Sharon didn’t like my persistence in trying to get custody and demanded that I take a paternity test. I thought it was another stall tactic but…” Owen swallowed. This confession wasn’t as difficult as he thought it would be but it wasn’t easy either. “It turns out that her infidelities went further back than I realized and when she discovered she was pregnant she let me think Michael was mine.”

“Owen...” Liam turned his hand so they could wind their fingers together.

“I don’t know if it was fear or guilt or maliciousness on her part. Maybe all three. I think about it all the time and I still haven’t come up with an answer. My lawyer says I could still push since I’m on the birth certificate but she made it clear that if I continue she’ll take Michael out of the country. Who knows what she’s told him? I was his father for seven years and I never even got to say goodbye. One day he was my son and the next? Gone. Although I didn’t lose him the way you lost your parents, I feel like a part of me has been ripped out and I’m walking around with a piece of my soul missing. I love that boy, I don’t care about biology, he’s mine. And now he thinks his father abandoned him.”

Owen hadn’t meant to say all of that but once he started speaking the dam burst and words kept spilling out. He wasn’t sure if it was the best time to confess but he wanted to let Liam know that he wasn’t alone and that, when Owen offered his help, it came from a place of understanding. So, he was shocked and pleased when Liam leaned in, wrapped his arms around Owen, and hugged him tightly.

“No, Owen, no, no, no. Michael would never think you abandoned him! You’re a great father. You still care so much, about everyone, about The Pointe, and even about me when I’m…when I’m not worth caring about.”

“Shh,” Owen held him back with the same strength. “You’re worthy of love. Worthy of my love.”

“B-But I’m an addict. You could do so much better than me.”

“No. I can’t. Because you’re the only one for me, the best for me. And you’re more than your addiction, Liam. I believe in you. I believe that you can get clean and be happy. Don’t you want that?”

Liam nodded into his shoulder. “I do.”

Those two words eased some of the tension in Owen’s body. “That’s a good start.” He knew that a relationship with Liam would be challenging but it was worth it. Liam had been beaten down, made mistakes but - like Finn had said - he deserved a second chance. Owen was willing to give him all the chances because he could see Liam’s potential. It was hidden, soiled with grief, but sometimes, when Liam gave Owen one of his secret smiles, it shone through, brighter than the sun, capturing Owen’s heart.

26

LIAM

Byallstandards,todayhad been a failure. Every conceivable thing went wrong and then some. Once he’d gotten back to his apartment, Liam hadn’t even been able to gather the courage to end it all and instead had been lying in a hopeless dissociative state, trying to will himself to die.

But then Owen appeared. Owen, the man he thought he’d lost. Owen, the man who knew all his secrets, his shame, and how truly broken he was. Owen, who for some reason had offered to help. And, deep down, Liam still wanted that. As he rested in Owen’s arms he wondered if he could ever overcome the grief and shame. If he could deem himself deserving of the patience, kindness, and love Owen continued to show him. Liam didn’t think he could but there was a tiny voice inside, a piece of himself that hadn’t been swallowed by the chasm, that urged Liam to try.

Owen shifted, pressing a kiss to Liam’s hair.

“Liam, how long have you been using?”

Liam tensed. That was a question he didn’t want to answer; it would only hurt Owen. He thought about lying but how could he? Owen had just laid himself bare, telling Liam all about Michael as an olive branch of understanding. If Liam wanted to think about climbing back from this, he needed to start with the truth.

“Only for a few months, since…”

“Since?” Owen prodded after another bout of silence.

Liam pulled back but Owen wouldn’t let him go too far, keeping him in his lap. Looking everywhere but at Owen, Liam’s gaze finally settled on the floor.

“Since you started at The Pointe.”

“What?” The word was laced with alarm and Liam cringed, not wanting to do this but trudging on.

“I didn’t think I could handle all the memories you’d bring with you. It was hard enough dealing with…the grief. But then you showed up and asked me to be your assistant and I thought…I thought it was gonna be too much….” He waved his hand around, the trembling increasing again, and Owen grabbed it from the air, trapping it between his own.

“Was it?” Owen squeezed his hand.

“Was it what?” Liam met his eyes, sure that his humiliation was as evident as the bruise on his cheek. At the time, everything had seemed so logical but the reasoning fell flat once he said it aloud. It made him feel silly and stupid.

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