Page 80 of Addicted

Gently, he placed his hand on Liam’s ankle and, at that touch, Liam jolted but didn’t raise his head.

“Liam. Angel. Please look at me.” Owen rubbed the sliver of skin between Liam’s jeans and sneakers, tracing a calming circle with his thumb.

It seemed to take ages but Liam lowered his arms inch by inch, keeping his eyes screwed shut.

Giving the ankle a gentle squeeze, Owen lowered himself to the floor at the end of the bed, ignoring his hammering heart and waiting as if he had all the patience in the world. Eventually, Liam opened one eye, peering at him through clumped wet lashes. The emptiness was still there but it was laced with bewilderment.

“Wha-” He coughed, his entire body wracking. “Wh-What are you doing here?”

“You left the front door unlocked so I invited myself in.” Owen gave Liam a small smile but when it wasn’t returned, Owen added. “I’m here to help you.”

“…you can’t help me.” Liam closed his eyes again.

“Why not?”

After a long minute, Liam turned his head, speaking to the floor. “You just can’t.”

Owen shuffled closer, not taking his hand off Liam. “That’s not a good enough answer.” Silence. But Owen wasn’t going to back down. He rubbed Liam’s leg again. “Liam. Talk to me.”

“Why?” Liam opened his eyes and faced Owen, piercing him with a gaze that held far too much pain and despair. “Why do you want to help me?” His voice was raspy, rising in pitch. “I have nothing. No parents, no future, soon I’ll have no place to live since my rent check bounced. Marci saw me at Bar None and confirmed for herself that I’m a mess so I have no job.” Tears spilled down his cheeks and he began to choke through his sobs. “A-And the worst part is I lost you. I was going to get clean, Owen. I was. For you, for us, so we could be happy together…but now you know. You know what a failure I am. So, I came back here to end it all.” He gasped for breath, wheezing and clutching his chest. “But I don’t…I don’t know how. I-I don’t have any razors. I don’t have enough pills. I’m too scared to jump off the roof. I should’ve let Zach kill me in that driveway.”

“Liam, oh my god, Liam.” Reaching down, Owen pulled Liam into his arms, half-cradling him in his lap. With his face pressed into Owen’s shoulder, Liam continued to cry, his small frame jolting with anguish as Owen rocked him, stroking his hair and trying to bank the flames of rage as he realized that Zach was responsible for Liam’s injuries.

After seeing Liam at Bar None, Marci had called Owen right away, filling him in on the situation with Zach, and when Owen thought it over, it made sense. Liam would vanish every time they stopped by the bar and Owen had noticed him in the company of the greasy barback who always gave Owen the stink eye. Owen had thought they were acquaintances but now he knew better. As he thanked whatever gods were listening that there were no razor blades or enough pills in Liam’s house, he also vowed to the devils below that Zach would pay. For preying on the weak. For hurting the man Owen loved.

When Liam’s quaking had reduced to small trembles and he began to breathe more evenly, Owen shuffled him to the side with the utmost care, smoothing his hair back and placing a kiss on his temple.

“Wait here.” So much was wrong, so many things needed to be tackled but the foremost was the damage to the back of Liam’s head. It worried Owen more than Liam’s mental state, more than his addiction.

He made it to the kitchen and back in seconds, wiping at the blood on Liam’s neck with a wet dishtowel. It wasn’t the most sanitary option but Owen didn’t want to let Liam out of his sight.

“Y-You don’t have to d-do this.” Liam choked out. “You can go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Owen pursed his lips as he worked. The source of the injury was a small cut at the top of Liam’s neck, which wasn’t serious, but there was some swelling so he’d need to be checked for a concussion.

“I’m not worth this…” Liam whispered, eyes on the floor. Owen thought that his heart couldn’t break any more but the statement and the soft steady pain behind it felt like a spear through his chest.

“You don’t get to determine what you’re worth to me.” Owen managed to wipe most of the blood away and tossed the towel aside, putting a finger under Liam’s chin and raising his head until their eyes met. “Do you remember last night when you asked me not to leave even if I got mad? What did I say? I made a commitment to you. I told you that if you ever upset me, I wouldn’t leave, we’d talk it out. And I want you to do the same. Don’t leave. Talk to me.”

“I…” Liam’s eyes darted around, filling with tears again. “I’m sorry.” He covered his face with his hands. “Everything was so hard after mom and dad died and it never got easier. I feel like I’m empty, like there’s this…this hole inside me that keeps getting larger and larger. And for a while, the pills made me not see it, not care about it. I felt normal. Like my old self.”

“But that didn’t last.” It was a statement, not a question.

“No.” Tears dripped out from under Liam’s palms, making small dark circles on his shirt. “I had to take more and more. And I started to feel sick all the time.” Lowering his hands, he sighed like he was weighted down, shame and weariness battling across his features. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“You can. You wanted to get clean, right?” Owen kissed Liam’s temple again, running soothing hands over his back.

Liam gave him a small shaky nod.

“And when we talked last night, you said you’d see a therapist. Is that still true?”

Liam nodded again but he bit his lip, tilting his head to the side. “I do…I want them to help me stay clean but I don’t want them to make me forget my parents.”

“They won’t do that. They are trained professionals who can assist you with your grief, help you process it.”

“I want them to come back.” Liam’s voice was small, childlike, and Owen was reminded of just how young Liam had been when he’d lost his mom and dad. No wonder he’d struggled. He’d been isolated, resistant to help, and had wallowed in his pain for years. It wasn’t surprising that he’d turned to drugs.

“Liam,” Owen ran his palm down Liam’s unbruised cheek, trying to radiate softness and empathy. “I know. I know you miss them. So much. But you have to learn how to live without them. They’d want that for you. They’d want you to be happy. Can you try once more?” Grabbing Liam’s hand, Owen placed it on his chest, letting Liam feel his heartbeat. “Because this time you won’t do it alone.”

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