Page 41 of Addicted

15

OWEN

“Icamesocloseto kissing someone yesterday.” Owen rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes on an exhale.

“You did?” With a pen in his hand and a yellow legal pad in his lap, Dr. Lawson waited patiently as he always did, wanting Owen to expound further. It took a bit, for Owen’s guilt was battering him, making it difficult to get the words out.

“Yes. Um…” Owen twisted his hands, too ashamed to say it out loud. “I almost kissed Liam. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Why do you think that there’s something wrong with you?” Dr. Lawson’s stare was both gentle and intense.

“Because…” Huffing out a frustrated breath, Owen shifted on the overstuffed couch. “Because I shouldn’t be lusting after a man so much younger than me. It’s irresponsible.”

“What makes you say that?”

Owen lightly hated how Dr. Lawson pried open every statement but that’s what made him such a good therapist, someone who kept Owen functional during this difficult time.

“I’m his superior. I would be taking advantage of him-”

“Is he underage?” Dr. Lawson raised an eyebrow, challenging Owen.

“No.”

“Is he capable of making his own decisions?”

Owen sighed. “I guess so.”

“So how would you be taking advantage of him?”

“Well, as I said before, I’m his superior. Plus, I’m too old for him. He’s fragile and I don’t want to drag him into the mess that’s my life.”

“Owen, please try not to put yourself down. Your life is not a mess. You are dealing with some issues in the best way you possibly can. And I’m here to remind you that you are deserving of love.”

Owen shrugged like a sulky teenager, showing Dr. Lawson that he wasn’t convincing. After everything he’d been through and was currently going through, Owen wasn’t sure if he was allowed love. He’d hidden in the closet, leading Sharon on throughout their relationship, and the consequences of his actions were rippling out and affecting their son’s well-being. He didn’t think he’d ever wash away his guilt; adding Liam to the mix would only complicate things more.

“Are you attracted to him?”

Owen sat up straighter as he thought about Liam. The way his hair glittered like autumn leaves under the sun, how his lips curled when Owen told him a silly joke, the fluidity of his lithe body, a body that Owen wanted to press against.

“Yes,” he admitted begrudgingly. “He’s an attractive young man.”

“How does being with him make you feel?”

Owen blinked. “Good. I started befriending him to help him out but I didn’t think I’d enjoy his company so much.”

“Why do you enjoy it?” Dr. Lawson jotted down a note and Owen briefly wondered what it said.

“We have…we have this connection.” It was difficult to explain how comfortable he felt around Liam. How he didn’t have to walk on eggshells, suppressing part of himself, because being with Liam was easy, natural. How Liam knew when Owen needed time, or a helping hand, or a blank contract before he even asked for it. How sometimes they just looked at each other and Owen could feel something between them, like a cable pulled taut. “And he um… he likes my jokes.”

“Is he a positive influence on your situation?”

“Yes.” Owen didn’t have to think about that one. His life was brighter with Liam in it. “Sometimes seeing him is the highlight of my day.”

Dr. Lawson gave him a soft barely-there smile. “Does he return your feelings?”

“I…” Owen thought back to their almost-kiss. Liam’s face had been flushed, his gaze traveling over Owen’s lips, and he’d leaned in, like he wanted it too. With the energy between them, there was no way to misconstrue it. And if Owen analyzed their friendship, he could suddenly pick out the times that Liam had been staring when he didn’t realize he was being watched, the curiosity and burn in his eyes unmistakable. Owen knew that Liam was gay, for Lilly and Logan had been so proud of their son when he came out. But Liam didn’t know that Owen was gay as well. It wasn’t something he opened with and his new job was so hectic that he hadn’t found a good moment to discuss it. But maybe it was time to tell Liam a little bit more about himself. “Don’t you think this is a bad idea? Finn said I’m transferring my guilt about Michael onto Liam.”

“Do you think you’re doing that?”

---