Page 24 of Addicted

“I do not,” Owen said automatically but the poker face he’d crafted for Sharon’s lawyers never worked on Finn, who gave Owen a look that said his lie could be seen from space. “Fine.” Owen rubbed his eyes. “I do feel guilty.”

“Why?” Finn held his hands palm-up, trying to understand.

Putting his beer next to Finn’s, Owen took a moment, hoping that he wouldn’t look as bad as he felt once he was done talking.

“When Lilly and Logan passed it shook something loose in Sharon. I think she realized that life was too short or, I don’t know, it justdidsomething to her. That’s when she confessed to cheating on me…for the first time.“ Owen had kept opting to stay and try to fix his marriage because deep inside he’d been afraid. Afraid to uproot and upset Michael, afraid of divorcing his wife, afraid of coming out, afraid of a lot of things, big and small. It required strength and courage to tear up his life and Owen didn’t have it so his life had eventually been torn up for him.

Finn’s footsteps thumped as he walked across the deck to lean beside Owen. “So how does Liam factor into all of this?”

Owen wanted to sigh but held it back. “I was a mess for weeks after she told me. I know you remember.” Finn bumped his shoulder, which was his way of giving a silent hug. “We’d been having some problems but nothing like that. We were fighting all the time and I barely had the emotional capacity to take care of Michael and go to work.” His chest felt tight and he let the sigh out. “And I was grieving too. Logan was barely in the ground before Sharon told me everything and the entire time we dealt with it Lilly was in a coma. I knew Liam was suffering and…” Owen gritted his teeth. “And I couldn’t help him.”

“Why was it your job to help him with that?”

“Maybe because I don’t want someone I know hurting? Dammit, Finn have a little empathy-”

“I do have empathy,” Finn’s voice was firm in the face of Owen’s mild annoyance. “But you shouldn’t feel so much guilt over this. You had your own problems and your family, yourson, will always come first, will always be a priority. Not your neighbor’s son.”

“They were my friends, Finn.” Owen hoped he didn’t sound too angry or petulant. “And besides Liam was literally crying out for help.”

“He was?”

Owen’s guilt unfurled and spiked through his gut. “Liam came to my door a few days after his house went up for sale. I saw him on my porch from the upstairs window. He didn’t knock but…he just stood there for a while, like he was trying to get up the nerve.”

“Are you sure he needed help?” Finn asked carefully. “Maybe he had to borrow a hammer or-”

“He was sobbing,” Owen said flatly, “and he looked terrified.”

“Oh. Oh shit.” Finn’s eyes widened.

“Sharon and I were arguing in the bedroom and…” This was harder to talk about than he thought and he stared hard at the whorls in the wooden floor, forcing the words out. “She wouldn’t let me go downstairs to talk to him.”

“What do you mean,she wouldn’t let you?”

“She said it was either her and Michael…or Liam.” Owen clenched his fists. “And that if I wanted to work this out, then she came first.” Owen rubbed his eyes again, willing himself not to tear up in front of his friend. “I know that I chose wrong-”

“You chose Michael. That’s never wrong.” Finn insisted, this time pressing his shoulder against Owen’s. “And Sharon was abusive. She manipulated you, cheated on you, used you-”

“I used her too-”

“No. I do not want to hear you say that. You struggling with your sexuality was different than her outright maliciousness. She could’ve taken the high road and communicated, worked with you, had an amicable divorce, but she didn’t want to. Instead, she had multiple affairs, forced you to make impossible choices, and then stole Michael from you. She could’ve helped Liam too but she didn’t want to. The only person she ever cared about was herself.”

Owen nodded, trying to absorb what Finn was saying but it was difficult through all the guilt.

“You shouldn’t feel so bad about this.” Finn’s tone was softer. “I mean it, you had your own problems. What if you’d been out that night and missed him?”

“It wasn’t just that,” Owen reached for his beer and took another swallow, thinking of all the red flags. “There were things that weren’t right. A lot of things. Lilly had told me a few times that her sister Diane wasn’t a good person but she never elaborated. Guess who showed up to help Liam after his parents died? Diane. And somehow, he lost the house.”

“Health insurance in this country is a bitch and you don’t know what their financial situation was.”

“True. But her boyfriend was there too, some kind of attorney. You think that would make things easier but I didn’t trust the guy.”

“Why?”

“Gut instinct. He wasn’t nice. Kind of slimy.”

“Doesn’t that come with the territory? I mean, the guyisa lawyer.”

“Freddy isn’t slimy at all. And it wasn’t because of his profession, he oozed something that raised my hackles and I only met him twice. I should’ve done something-”

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