Page 22 of Addicted

He could really use that other pill right about now. The first one had made him feel so good, so functional, it was like he’d been underwater for years and had finally come up for air. He didn’t want to let go of that feeling. It was the first time the chasm didn’t seem so wide, his grief so immovable, and it helped him get through the previous night without sobbing, without staring up at the ceiling in pain. When morning came it seemed bright and open, the day not as bad as he thought it would be.

Until it all wore off and he was left unsure and unable to cope.

Stuffing down another sob, Liam wiped the wetness from his eyes as a decision clicked into place. He’d call Zach, get more Vicodin, and use it as a crutch for a little while. It would be his cushion until he finished helping Owen. After today he didn’t think he could get out of his new part-time duties without it being a huge embarrassing hassle so if he had to buckle down and push through, then he wanted a pill-based assistant. Plus, he deserved to be happy even if it was a false boost of happiness. He’d been through enough; he needed this.

After a few more deep breaths Liam managed to steel his mind for mixed company again and for Owen’s gaze. His heart beat faster when he thought of those blue eyes on him but he shook himself. That man was just another thing Liam couldn’t have. He needed to get his head around that.

All the more reason to use those pills. They helped put a wall between him and his feelings and now he had to get more of them. The one he had at home would only last into tomorrow. Liam was grateful that he’d kept Zach’s card. He had considered throwing it away when he’d cleaned up last night but a hunch told him to hang onto it.

Waiting until the bathroom was less full, Liam quietly slipped out of the stall and headed for the sink, running his hands under the tap and splashing cool water on his face.

A toilet flushed and Liam looked up to find someone exiting the stall at the end, a certain someone with light brown eyes and buzzed hair.

Zach.

Liam started but said nothing. It was such a coincidence that all he could do was stare dumbly while drying his cheeks with a paper towel. This was definitely a sign that his decision was right but he didn’t know how to put everything into motion. Aside from a little pot in high school, he’d never done drugs and had no idea how to buy them. Should he just ask if Zach had pills available? Was this an okay time? Would Zach get mad if Liam brought it up without some polite conversation first?

Liam’s brain swirled with inability and he stood there wondering what to do until Zach broke the silence.

“Everything okay?” He went to the sink next to Liam’s and began washing his hands. “You look like someone died.”

Those words. Why would he saythosewords? They were like a spear through Liam’s chest and he held his breath for a moment, trying to maintain the tear-free zone he had just worked for. Zach didn’t know. He couldn’t know. And Liam needed something from him so he couldn’t react the way he wanted to, by running away.

“Someone did die,” he found himself saying. “My parents.”

Zach’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?” He shut off the tap and reached around Liam to grab a paper towel from the dispenser. “That sucks. When?”

“Three years ago.” Liam didn’t know why he was telling Zach all of this because he was pretty sure it wasn’t polite conversation. “Car accident. My father died immediately. My mother was in a coma for weeks, brain dead. We had to pull the plug.”

Liam could still see the machines beside his mother’s bed. Hear the beeping of the monitors, the sound of the ventilator, and the echoing silence once they’d stopped. The decision to end life support was one he’d have to live with for the rest of his life but he couldn’t let his mother suffer any longer. The time from the accident to the apartment was patchy in his memory but that day stood out in sharp relief, ringing in Liam’s ears.

“Oh shit. I’m sorry man,” Zach shook his head, tossing the paper towel in the trash.

Sorry. Everyone was sorry. But sorry didn’t bring them back.

Taking a deep breath, Liam gathered whatever steadiness and bravery he had. “Zach, I was wondering if-”

“Ha!” Zach’s posture went ramrod straight and he pointed his finger at Liam, who shuffled back a step. “You took the Vikes!” He moved closer and Liam resisted the urge to take another step. “Didya like em?” His voice was conspiratorial but still a bit too loud.

“Um,” Liam rubbed his neck, eyes darting around the room before ending up on Zach’s stained work boots. “Yeah. So, I was-”

“I’ll give you twelve for sixty.”

“Wh-What?” Liam stuttered, eyes wide as they snapped up to Zach’s face. Zach only raised his eyebrows, waiting as Liam took four seconds to process and then scrambled for his wallet.

“I-Is it okay to do this here?” Liam was worried that someone would walk in at any second but suddenly the money was ripped from his hand and a translucent blue bag with little oval pills replaced it.

“Absofuckinglutely, Princess,” Zach replied, backing away and heading for the door.

“Princess?” Liam quickly stuffed the bag in his pocket. He wasn’t sure if the nickname was an insult, not that he would do anything about it, but he wanted to know how high up Zach was on the asshole scale.

“Yeah, because you’re pretty like one.” Zach reached for the doorknob. “I work here most nights so find me or shoot me a text when you’re in need again.”

Sounds from the bar poured in as the door swung open before Zach touched it; if he hadn’t been standing just right he would’ve been clobbered.

“Liam! Are you okay?” Owen walked into the bathroom, eyes darting between them.

Zach shrugged his shoulders with a snort and slid around Owen, leaving. The door slammed shut behind him, muffling the cacophony of music and voices once more.

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