Page 86 of The Man Made of Smoke

“Michael, I want you to listen to me very carefully.Whateveryou did back then, what is happening right now is not your fault.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“You have experienced something terrible,” I continued, as though I hadn’t heard him. “Something that is beyond most people’s capacity to imagine. And I want you to understand that whatever you’re feeling right now is a rational response to the trauma you’ve suffered.”

“I haven’t suffered.”

“You have.”

“Not like Darren suffered. You weren’t there. You don’t know what suffering is.”

“That’s true,” I said. “But I have counseled people who have undergone similar experiences. And I do know that kind of trauma is not something that easily leaves you. Perhaps you weren’t hurt like Darren was, but youwerehurt. You are a victim here too. That’s the first thing I want you to accept.”

“What’s the second thing?”

I took a deep breath.

“That you need to talk to the police.”

“No.”

“Michael—”

“No!” He shook his head again, more firmly than before. “For fuck’s sake, did youreallynot listen to anything I told you? No.No!”

“Michael—”

But he put his head down and cupped his hands over his ears, and just kept shouting that word—No!—over and over again. Sarah looked at me helplessly, shocked by the sudden change in his demeanor.

Detached, I thought.

Calm.

“I know it won’t be easy,” I said.

Johnson’s voice grew louder; it seemed inevitable that someone in a neighboring flat would hear him. But I forced myself to continue speaking quietly and deliberately. If he saw my words as an attack, I knew that a part of him would be intently focused on them.

“It will be frightening. But it’s the right thing to do. Other people who were there that day have been killed. This man has to be stopped. He—”

Johnson looked up at me.

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.If I don’t go to the police, hedoesstop! I mean, are you fucking stupid or something? Do you not understand?” He gestured frantically around the room. “Thisis how I stop him. This is how I save however many of us are left.By doing nothing.”

Someone pounded on the wall next door.

Ignore it, I told myself.

You can do this.

“We don’t know that will make him stop,” I said. “I don’t think we know enough about him yet to be sure why he’s doing this or what he wants.”

“He told me! If I talk to the police—”

“The police can keep you safe.”

“Oh God,” Johnson said. “They aren’t going to believe me. You’re out of your fucking mind.”

More banging from next door.

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