Page 139 of Seeking Shadows

"Mia." Tristan tries to get my attention again, but my mind is breaking into a thousand pieces.

I see One’s disapproving look.

The smell of dust, of damp, of dried blood.

The taste of fear, the deafening silence of absolute solitude.

I spent years in a world no one had ever seen.

What if I never left it?

Did I just imagine all this?

My throat tightens. The coffee in my hand slips and falls to the floor, spreading a bitter smell through the air.

I stand up suddenly, my heart hammering in my ribs.

"I… I don't feel well." My voice sounds distant, like I'm speaking underwater.

Tristan moves, maybe to hold me, maybe to say something, but I pull away. I can't stand the touch right now. I don't want the touch.

I want to… disappear.

The problem is me.

And maybe I never really got out of my captivity.

I feel dirty.

"I… I just need a shower." My voice is shaky, but it’s the only thing I can say before I turn on my heel and head upstairs.

My body moves on its own, as if it knows the way, as if it’s in a hurry. I just want to get in the shower, feel the warm water on my skin, wash all this away.

But deep down, I know.

None of this is going away.

I close the bathroom door behind me, lock it without thinking, rip off my clothes without caring where they fall. My fingers tremble as I turn the shower knob, and the water starts to fall.

I step under the hot jet.

And I collapse.

The sob bursts from my throat before I can hold it back—an ugly, hacking sound, filled with something I can’t name.

My legs give out, and I slide to the floor, hugging my knees, letting the water run down my face as if I could drown there, as if it would be easier that way.

And then come the flashes.

The dry snap of leather against skin.

The smell of metal and pain.

The dim light of the single bulb on the basement ceiling.

The cold.

The void.

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