Page 81 of Seeking Shadows

But deep down, I know he's right. He does care, even if he has the most annoying way of showing it.

I look at him, trying not to give in, but frustration swallows me up.

“You don’t understand,” my voice is weaker now, but still filled with pain. “You got your life, okay, you got everything. I got the… darkness, I got the desire to kill, I got the broken brain. I don’t know you, what do you expect me to do? Go back to the way we were when we were ten years old and we were both trying to survive an absurd level of abuse? You got out… I didn’t. We have nothing in common.”

I don't really believe what I'm saying. I just need him to leave. But he won't.

Seth takes a step closer, finally dropping his tough-brother facade.

He places his hand on my shoulder more gently than I expected. “You think I don’t get it, Mia? You think I don’t smell blood like fuel in my veins? Like it’s something that reminds me that I’m alive? You think my head isn’t a dark place? Fuck yeah, it’s so fucked up that I almost broke the thing that mattered most in the world to me in the process. I’m not asking you to be the little girl in the basement who kissed my scars and held me while I cried myself to sleep.” My eyes widen at the mention of our troubled childhood. He remembers. “I’m asking you to be you. But for real. You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face.

Seth comes over and wipes them away and then he pulls me into a hug, and I realize how scary it is to see the person who has lived for years in my head is real. It's tangible.

And when I don't want to lose it. I can't lose it.

All those years I thought he was dead, part of me died with him.

“I love you, One,” I whisper. “Even if you don’t trust me.”

I don't wait for him to say it back. Because I'm starting to understand that One isn't programmed for that. And then he looks at me.

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe,” he whispers, holding me tight against him, and I know those words aren’t I love you, but they make me feel like they are.

I feel a lump in my throat, the anger transformed into something more broken. I feel like I've been swallowed by reality, and now I'm not as strong anymore.

I give a dry laugh, trying to ease the tension. “Do you really think I’m capable of asking for help?”

Seth smiles, that smile that’s so characteristic of him—teasing, but genuine. “You know, Mia, I think so. I think you just need a little push. And, look, you could use some tips on knife precision and how you could have done a better job.”

I look at him and then snort. “My accuracy was perfect. I'm way better than you, who was always messy with the prey.”

“Organization isn’t really my strong point. We have Harvin for that.”

“Taylor’s husband,” I comment without thinking, and Seth looks at me confused.

“Yeah, kind of. Do you know him?”

“No, but I feel like I do,” I say without elaborating, and he shrugs.

"Come on, let's get this body sorted out. I'm staying here, even if you hate me for it."

I laugh weakly, a sound that escapes unintentionally, because in the end, it doesn't matter how much we try to fight.

Deep down, he's still my twin. And somehow, even through everything, that still means something.

“Seth…”

“Huh?”

“Next time, try not to find me covered in blood, okay?”

He smirks, his eyes twinkling with silent amusement. “I’ll try. Just don’t start hiding again, okay?”

I sigh.

Evading my brother is going to be harder than I thought.

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