Page 16 of Seeking Shadows

But it’s harder than I thought. The sound of my own breath is too loud, and the silence around Zane feels like it's closing in on me.I need to say something,I think, but the words get tangled in my throat. It’s like I’m not fully in control of myself, and that’s the worst part.

But I refuse to break down. Not in front of him. I have to hold it together. I can’t let Zane see how close I am to unraveling, how the world feels like it's slipping between my fingers, like I'm not really here.

I force myself to look at him, to speak, to hold onto something real. Anything.

But it’s too late—he sees me. Zane always sees me.

The moment our eyes lock again, I brace myself for the usual coldness, the anger that’s been simmering between us. But that’s not what I see. Instead, there’s fear—raw, desperate fear.

Not the kind of fear that expects me to hurt him, but the kind that tells me he’s scared for me.

I flinch, my breath still shallow, and his hands move instinctively, his fingers gentle as they grip my arms, trying to anchor me, trying to pull me out of the whirlwind. I let him, letting his touch guide me back to some semblance of reality.

I stay there for what feels like hours, a silence stretching between us, heavy and thick with unspoken things. My heartbeat pounds in my ears, drowning out everything else.

He doesn't let go. I feel his thumbs brushing small, slow circles against my skin, calming, grounding, until I finally exhale, the panic releasing just enough to let me think clearly.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, the words trembling as they leave my lips.

Zane doesn’t speak for a moment, but I feel his grip tighten, just a little. He’s not letting me pull away, not now, not when I'm barely holding it together. “You don’t need to apologize,” he says, his voice strained but soft, full of something I can’t quite name. "Just breathe, Mia. I’m not going anywhere."

I want to tell him that it’s not about that. It’s about the weight in my chest, the memories of James, the things he drilled into my head—things that don’t go away, no matter how far I run. But I can’t find the words. Instead, the panic claws its way back up my throat, and I shake my head in frustration.

“I can’t... I can’t stop thinking about him. About what he did—what he made me think... I can’t... I can’t shake it off, Zane. I don’t know what is wrong with me.” My voice cracks, a sob rising in my chest before I swallow it down.

His grip doesn’t falter. He pulls me closer, and for the first time in what feels like forever, I let myself lean into him, my forehead resting against his chest.

His heart beats under my ear, steady, grounding.

“You don’t have to do this alone,” he says quietly, his voice almost a whisper. “Not anymore.”

I close my eyes, the tears still threatening, and I want to believe him. I want to believe that even with everything—everything we’ve been through, all the damage and the anger—that he’s still here for me, that we’re still here for each other.

“But I... I’m so broken, Zane. I... I don’t know how to fix it.”

“You don’t have to,” he says, and there’s a tenderness in his words, like he’s finally seeing me for the first time in a long time, really seeing me—not as someone to be fixed, but as someone who’s just trying to survive.

For a moment, everything is quiet. No anger, no guilt, just the two of us standing on the edge of something fragile but real.

“Even if we’re broken,” I say quietly, my voice barely above a whisper, “I still... I still need you.”

He looks down at me, his face softening. “I need you too, Mia. Always have.”

The words hang between us, heavy but comforting, and for a moment, the tension lifts—just a little. Even with all the chaos, all the mistakes, I know, deep down, that we’re not as lost as we feel.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

I want to tell him everything. But I can’t. Not now. Not like this.

I turn away, breaking the tension, feeling the cold, unspoken distance growbetween us. “You need to leave, Zane.”

“I’m not leaving until you do something for me.”

I look back at him, confused, “What?”

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