Page 117 of Seeking Shadows

"Hence my speech about you sacrificing yourself for others," she continues, unhurriedly. "Someone is threatening you, right?"

Fuck.

I sit back down, feeling a weight on my chest. It's strange, because part of me wants her to know.

Because if anyone can understand this, it’s her.

So I tell her everything. About Paulina. About Zane. About not wanting Seth in our father's sights.

Laura listens in silence. No interruptions, no premature judgments. Her eyes analyze every word I say, processing the information like a state-of-the-art computer.

When I finish, she lets out a thoughtful hmm, tilting her head.

"Nico is one of the most dangerous mobsters in the country, but do you know what else he is?" She looks at me. "A man with a weakened empire. The Cartel is no longer what it used to be. The Society of Crow’s alliance with Cosa Nostra has ensured that."

My mind races to keep up.

"If you wanted to come home, Mia, no one would hurt you."

The air escapes me.

"That’s not true," I whisper, and a shiver runs down my spine. "You have no idea what he’s capable of. You and Seth tend to forget that I grew up with him the longest."

I’ve seen all the horrors. I’ve killed many innocent people. If they think others will just accept me... they’re mistaken.

They’re going to kill me.

Yes, they will kill you. Your sister could be one of them.

"Stop! She’s not!" I say aloud, and Laura’s eyes widen. I quickly apologize.

It's not a good time to be tormented by voices.

Laura watches me for a few seconds, then tilts her head, as if studying an equation.

"I’m not invalidating your experience," she says matter-of-factly. "But I’m looking at facts. Facts tell me that you don’t have to live with Nico anymore. The fear you feel? That’s subjective. Your brain’s defense system based on the past, not the present."

I purse my lips.

"Fear is not irrational, Laura."

Even more so when no one knows about Katie. Even more so when no one understands what it's like to fight for the life of the only person who truly loved you in that place. And knowing that if you make one wrong move, it will cost her, like it has all these years.

Laura will always rationalize everything, see things logically. That’s how she views the world.

But I’m not like that. I’ll always fight for those I love. My emotions will always take over me. I don’t control them; they control me. Nico controls them. He always made sure of that.

"I never said it was. But it is interpretable. If you analyze it rationally, you’ll realize that we can actually help you… you just need to let us."

I let out a short, humorless laugh.

"Sure. I just need to rationalize everything and return to the Society’s territory."

And then leave Katie to suffer through it as punishment. Leave Zane to be haunted for the rest of his life. Put Seth in my father’s crosshairs.

Laura blinks, looking unaffected.

"Exactly."

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