Page 114 of Seeking Shadows

Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by the noise in my head, the constant shifting of thoughts, and I know it’s not something I could bring a child into.

Motherhood is about giving, about being a constant, and I can barely keep myself steady on my own two feet.

The emotional weight would be too much.

I don’t think I could give a child the consistency they need, and I don't want to risk failing them when I’m already struggling to understand myself.

Besides, not everyone feels that pull or is ready to dive into that kind of responsibility, and there’s no shame in that. It doesn’t make us less whole or less capable. It just means our realities are different, and that’s completely okay

It doesn’t mean I don’t love my nephews, and being with them doesn’t give me a little baby fever.

“You already know you’re the cutest little things in the world, right?” I say, tilting my face so Eleonora can play more.

She lets out a little laugh, her round cheeks becoming even more squeezable.

Edo looks at me thoughtfully and then extends the book toward me.

“Oh? Is this for me?” I place a hand on my chest, dramatically moved. “Do you want to share it with me? My heart can’t handle so much cuteness.”

Edo continues to hold the book toward me, and when I accept it, he claps his hands, satisfied.

“Okay, little bunnies,” I say, settling in more comfortably. “Want a story?”

They don’t respond—obviously. Right, Mia? They’re eleven months old.

But their watchful little eyes tell me they are curious.

“Once upon a time… there was a raven and a wolf!” I pause dramatically. “The raven was very clever, full of ideas and dreams, and the wolf was very protective and loved to pretend it didn’t care, but deep down, it loved the raven.”

Eleonora tilts her head, staring at me with concentration. Edo crawls toward me and rests on my lap.

“The raven loved to fly and explore the world, but one day it fell into a strange, dark place.”

The twins blink, absorbing my excitement.

“But do you know what happened?”

I smile before continuing.

“The wolf came! He ran, he jumped, he howled at the moon and saved the raven, because deep down, he would never leave his friend alone.”

He would never leavemealone.

Eleonora gives a happy little cry, clapping her little hands. Edo smiles broadly, with that toothless expression that warms my heart.

“Then the raven and the wolf went home together and lived happily, protecting each other.”

Not really, but a girl can dream.

Edo rests his little head on my chest, his small, warm body nestling against me. Eleonora soon does the same, letting out a cute sigh before closing her eyes.

My chest tightens, and a soft smile forms on my face.

I rock them lightly, feeling their comfortable weight on me.

“You’re my new team now, you know?” I whisper. “My special twin squad. And I know how cool it is to have a twin. So take care of each other, okay?”

No response, just the calm, rhythmic breathing of the two.

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