Page 168 of Renard's Deliverance

“Don’t believe it, Gem. Know it. And I feel so fucking bad that I scared you before.”

“I’m sorry,” she told him.

“Why are you apologizing? You were scared of me, and you have every right to be after what happened to you.”

“I’m not scared of you, though. It wasn’t you I was seeing. It was him. Stefan. He . . . he used to beat me. And not just a little bit. A lot.”

“Baby, fuck.”

“First time he did it, I made up excuses for him. He was stressed. He had a lot going on. But it just got worse. He’d come to visit me and he’d be so angry. I . . . occasionally I get really bad headaches. Not often, but they started after he slammed my head into a wall.”

“Fucking motherfucker.” If he could get his hands on Stefan . . . probably a good thing that he was dead.

He didn’t need to end up in jail for murder.

Not when he had to take care of his girl.

“I was just reacting on instinct. Everything with Barney stirred up old memories. Although, if I’m honest, I’ve been having a lot of nightmares about Stefan lately.” She frowned. “I used to have nightmares about someone being in my room, watching me. Do you think that’s because Barney . . . because he was actually watching me?”

“Fucking asshole,” he spat out. “It could be.”

“He could have grabbed me at any time,” she whispered. “Hurt me.”

“Not going to let anyone hurt you, Gem. Not anyone.”

“I thought I’d buried my demons so deep that they’d never come out.”

“They always find a way of getting out, Gem. And I’m glad that they are, because that shit will eat you up from the inside out unless you let it out. Trust me, I know.”

“You have your own stuff to deal with, I’m so sorry to load you with mine.”

“Like I told you. I want yours.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because I fucking love you.”

“What?” she asked in a hoarse voice.

“Went crazy when I learned you’d been taken. I absolutely lost it. And I knew then if I didn’t get you back that my life was fucking over. It would go back to shades of gray. And I don’t know if I could have gone back to that. Pulled myself out of the gutter once and I knew I couldn’t do it again.”

“But if something did happen to me?—”

“Wouldn’t survive, baby. Simple as that.”

“That’s a lot of pressure on me to live,” she muttered.

To his shock after everything that had just happened, he found himself laughing. “Yep. Guess you’re going to have to do everything I tell you to do to keep you safe.”

“Fuck. You sure you couldn’t love me a bit less?”

Now, he really didn’t want to laugh. “No. I could not love you less. There’s no way for me not to love you. I’m not a flowery guy, Gem. You’re not going to get lots of romantic words from me. But I will always take care of you. You’ll never have to take the trash out, or shovel snow, or worry about maintenance, or paying the bills, or grocery shopping and cooking.”

“Yeah, that’s a lot of pressure.”

“Problem?” He growled, well aware that she hadn’t told him that she loved him yet.

“There might have been, if I didn’t love you too.”

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