Page 45 of Speculations in Sin

I rose and went to Daniel’s side of the table, slid the mug aside, and wound my arms around him.

“My love, I am so sorry.”

Daniel started, then he pulled me down to him, burying his face in my shoulder. I found myself sitting on his lap, we entwined in each other, Daniel’s shuddering breath warm on my neck.

“It was a long time ago,” he whispered.

True, but some scars ran deep. Well I knew this.

I raised my head, liking being so near him, and smoothed his hair from his forehead. “The gent outside warned me of you,” I said. “He couldn’t have meant because you were a frightening boy.”

“Mmm.” Daniel avoided my gaze. “He might have been referring to the interval after Carter was killed and before I decided to hunt villains for the police. I took myself back to South London to see what was what. Many of Compton’s lads were either dead or imprisoned by that time. Compton wasstill alive, though, and not pleased to see me, once he understood who I was.”

“Oh.” I did not like the direction the conversation was going. “You did not kill him, did you?”

“No.” The grim word only slightly reassured me. “I did not kill him, though I might have sped his demise. I was not gentle with him, but I wanted information, not vengeance.”

“Information?”

A ghost of Daniel’s smile crossed his lips. “Ever curious, aren’t you, Kat? I wanted to know where he’d taken me from. I remember comfort and contentedness, as I said, and workhouses and orphanages, in my experience, have neither.”

“What did he say?” I asked anxiously. Daniel was right, my curiosity was a besetting sin, but I could not contain myself.

“The damnable man could not remember.” Daniel’s bitterness returned. “He’d seen me, a sturdy lad with a fearless air, and knew I’d do well for him. So, he nabbed me.” Daniel brushed light fingers across my cheek. “And that is why, Kat, when you ask what my name was when I was born, long before I became Daniel McAdam, I don’t tell you. It is because I don’t know.”

13

I had no words to answer Daniel. I could only lay my head on his shoulder and hold on to him.

My father had died when I’d been tiny, and I had no memory of him, but my mother had been a bulwark in my life, guarding me and teaching me, loving me. Her death had left a gaping hole.

But to not know of either parent, to have none of that…A terrible thought. Daniel must have had that love, and then been taken from it forcibly. It wasn’t right.

Did his parents never try to search for him? I didn’t have the heart to ask him. Perhaps they had, diligently, and then slowly given up. Children were lost all the time in London, either gone to early deaths by accident or taken by evil men and women who exploited them. Those children either died from their labors or grew up to be as evil as those who’d abducted them.

No wonder Daniel had walked the line between good andbad all his life. He struggled to be the best he could be in spite of his harsh existence.

“You love James so much,” I said after a long silence. “It is clear. You are a good father. They didn’t turn you evil.”

“But it has been a close-run thing.” Daniel’s answer was quiet. “When I saw James, and knew what could have happened to him, and I’d not been there to prevent it…I couldn’t walk away from him. No matter how much he wanted me to.”

“He loves you in return.” I raised my head to look at Daniel. “That is clear, as well.”

“Not at first, he didn’t.” Daniel vibrated with laughter. “It took him a long while to trust me. You too.” His amusement faded. “Every time you begin to have faith in me, something happens to change that.”

“That is my fault,” I said generously. “I find it difficult to trust, and you can be very secretive.”

“Only about things I’m duty bound not to tell…or what I am ashamed of. I want you to think me the perfect man, my Kat.”

Daniel’s lopsided grin returned, the one I’d fallen for years ago. “Being taken from your family and raised by one villain after another is not your fault. You’ve turned out remarkably well under the circumstances.”

“I live for your flattery, you do know.” The sparkle returned to Daniel’s eyes, which relieved me. I did not like to see him so morose.

“You did not let them break you,” I continued. “I know it is a popular notion that if a person is born angelic no situation can change that, but I have seen too much of the world to believe that is true. You persevered through the darkness and remained yourself.”

“Are you saying I was born angelic?” Daniel’s merrimentsurfaced. “I might have to argue with you there. I remember being perfectly happy to be a devil.”

“I said you remainedyourself. You have plenty of wickedness in you, Daniel, do not worry.”

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