Page 79 of The Best of Us

I opened my eyes and stood abruptly, walking over to the windows to look at the city.

She kept quiet, and I gave her another minute to process my shitty behavior from twenty-plus years ago.

Palm on the glass, I continued, “Carter was her friend at the time, and let’s just say, he’s not my greatest fan.”

We may have operated together once since then, but I had enough sense to know a man like Carter didn’t let bygones be bygones because of an apology.

“I was only twenty, and I did whatever my father said.”

I doubted my attempt to rationalize my way through this would help, but I had to try. I didn’t want her hating me for this—there was plenty else she didn’t know about yet to hate me for.

“I didn’t sleep with her,” I added defensively, worried she’d really despise me. “I wasn’t that horrible of a person. I felt guilty about everything. Dropped out of school shortly after that and joined the Navy.”

I lowered my hand from the glass when I realized she was coming to join me at the window. I hesitantly faced her, and she shocked me by lifting her hand to my cheek.

Still not running. Why not?I was well aware I deserved more than a door slammed in my face.

“You were young.” Was she really defending, not lecturing, me? “You can’t beat yourself up for the past.” She tipped her head, quietly staring at me while pushing her hand up to the side of my head.

“How can you be so forgiving?”

She looked out the window, probably pondering what to say or how to explain the fact she was still there despite my confession.

“I raised your son. He’s so much like you. I wouldn’t want him upset years later for mistakes he made when younger.” Eyes back on me, she forced that strange feeling of hope back inside me, asking, “So, why would I want that for his father?”

Father. I’m the father of your child.

Relief filled me, even if the feeling of being forgiven probably never would.

“You’re a good man.” Her free hand went to my chest and over my heart. “I know that. I can feel it.” She whispered, “Skeletons in your closet or not, I don’t care. I know your heart because I know our son’s. So, just?—”

“Fucccck,” I hissed, unable to take much more of her goodness. I didn’t know how to handle any of this. Not her acceptance. Not her forgiveness. Not any of the emotions coming along with it.

I removed her hands with the sole purpose of drawing her against me for a hug.

“I’ve got you,” she promised, embracing me back.

And I gave in. I gave her the weight of my problems. Let her accept them like I’d never let anyone do, so I could experience what it was like to breathe without so much pain crushing my rib cage, vise-gripping my heart. I gave myself sixty more seconds to not be as strong as usual before untangling myself from her embrace.

I had a lot more to tell her, including the fact Carter and I worked together a year and a half ago, agreeing not to kill each other for the joint op relating to my sister’s murder. But if I told her that, I’d have to reveal the fact that the body my brothers and I had dropped the first time had been the wrong one.

“I have a feeling when Easton finds out who I am, he won’t love the idea of me being in your life or Colin’s.”

“Well, lucky for me, it’s . . .” She stopped talking, her gaze pivoting somewhere behind me.

“That was you, wasn’t it?” Colin’s low, raspy voice had us backing away from one another to face him. “I was coming to ask you something, but I heard you two talking, so I hung back, and . . .”

How much did you hear?

“That was you,” he repeated, staring at me with wide, unblinking eyes. “That was you I saw that night at Rebecca’s wake. You were the guy Carter yelled at to go away.”

Chapter23

Juliette

Shock wovearound my limbs like vines, keeping me tethered to the floor. I needed to go to Colin, haul him into my arms, but I couldn’t budge. I stared at him, unblinking, unable to compute what he’d said.

Before I could force open my mouth, Colin continued, “I snuck away to search for dessert while Mom was talking to a friend of Uncle Easton’s. I overheard Carter talking with someone, and he sounded angry, so I stayed around the corner and out of the way.”

---