Page 122 of The Best of Us

“I can’t leave this room until you tell me.” I made myself as clear as possible with that.

She sucked in her bottom lip, which was already swollen from how fiercely we’d lost control with each other.

I had to do better,bebetter, and slow down next time. I let go of her and raced my thumb along the line of her quivering lips.

She caught my thumb with her tongue, then waited for my hand to return to her waist before sharing, “I didn’t date for a long time after Colin was born. I just couldn’t bring myself to be interested in anyone, and when I did, no one ever felt right, you know?”

Don’t I know it.I was the king of “never felt right,” and had lived a shitty life wasting my time with all the wrong ones while waiting for her.

“I couldn’t connect with anyone even when I tried.”

My stomach knotted, and bile hit the back of my throat at the idea of her trying to connect with another man. I was a hypocrite to think like that, and I was well aware, so I kept that to myself.

“So, why give my body to someone who didn’t make me feel anything more? So, I, um.” She wet her lips. “I made a vow to save myself and wait until marriage. Guys didn’t take it well when I told them I wouldn’t have sex with them.”

I stared at her in shock, unsure if I was hearing her correctly.

“So, I haven’t had sex since Aruba.”

I shook my head, blinking rapidly, my brain and heart moving at different speeds and in different directions.

I shoved away from the wall and walked backward, tearing my hands through my hair, stepping on my hat before I kicked it away from me.

“Say something.” She nervously wrung her hands together, wearing down her bottom lip with her teeth while pointing her big, green eyes at me.

I cupped my mouth as a million pounds of regret slammed down on top of me. I hadn’t done the same. I did exactly the opposite—only sex, no feelings.

My neck couldn’t hold up the weight of my head, and I hung it forward while closing my eyes.

“Are you upset?” She came over and held my face, and my arm dropped to my side like dead weight. “If you’re worried about what that means for us, well?—”

“No, it’s not that,” I couldn’t help but interrupt, forcing my head up again, and her hand fell away. “I, uh, didn’t do the same.” Guilt poured hot into my tone. It sounded like I’d swallowed gravel and was about to choke on it.

“I know. I mean, I assumed.” She waved her hand between us as if it were no big deal. “You thought I rejected you. You didn’t know we made a baby together.”

Made a baby together.

The pain in my skull was too much. The agony in my chest was on another level, too.

I backed away from her, cycling through grief all over again at what we lost.

“You’re the real reason I saved myself from being with anyone,” she said in a hushed tone. “Because I refused to date anyone long-term until they could make me feel at least half of what you did.”

I kept my hands bolted to my sides, fighting the pull to fall to my knees. “I don’t deserve you.” I was surprised I wasn’t already on the floor after what she just shared.

You’re far too good for me,I kept that thought boxed up, forcing myself to man up and move closer.

A sharp ache pierced my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I pressed a hand over my chest as if that would hold me together. “You know I felt the same, I just . . . went about it the wrong way.”

She gently pulled my hand away from my heart, lacing our fingers together before pressing her lips to my knuckles. “That vow doesn’t matter now, not with you here. I’d never ask that of you. I’d never ask you to wait.”

“No.” I removed my hand from hers, surrendering both palms toward the ceiling. “I won’t have you breaking your vow because of me, because you think you’ll lose me if we don’t have sex.”

My vision blurred as I stared at the most incredible woman I’d ever known.

Whether I deserved her or not didn’t matter. God had sent her to me twice.

“You don’t have to say that.” She placed her hands over mine. A shiver rolled through her and straight into me.

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