An overwhelming sense of injustice and anger washed over me. I’m shaking just standing there. “All these years, and you never thought I was yours?”
He slams his eyes shut, swallowing hard, and I wish I could punch him in the jaw and hug him all at once. The neglect and abuse were partially his fault, but then again they were my mother’s too. I had to reconcile that in my head as well. It hurt to consider that she wasn’t blameless in this. She could have told me. All these years she could have said something. I was a grown ass man wondering why my father hated me. Wondering why I was singled out like a fucking bastard child and now I knew.
Finally, Saunders speaks, “I asked her the last chance I could before he isolated her, and she broke things off. She said you were your father’s son. It killed me, but I believed her. I didn’t want to believe her.”
“She broke things off?”
“Yes, it wasn’t like we were running around together every damn day. I saw her when she could get away from that scum, which wasn’t often. He knew damn well that she and I were together.”
“I’m surprised he let it happen.”
He scoffs. “You have no idea what your piece of shit of a father did to your mother. If you think the prostitution ring started later in the organization, you’re wrong. He sold her out until he realized she loved me.”
“You paid to fuck my mother,” I snarl. I was the product of…I just can’t even think it.
He puts his hands up. “It wasn’t like that. I tried to keep her safe. She should have been my wife, but not all fucking things are that easy. I wanted her to leave him. Hell, I asked her to marry me.”
“You did?” Claudia asks.
“Yes. I gave her a beautiful emerald teardrop ring even though she was still with that asshole. That picture was the night she said yes. She was ready to leave him.”The ring.The one she gave me was the one my real father gave her. One you pass down to your future wife. He was saying something.
“I know why she called it quits with you,” Connor says, handing him the letter my mother left us. I close my eyes because in my anger and hate for everything. She had her reasons however painfully awful they were. She feared for her sons’ lives. She valued her kids’ lives more than her happiness.
He reads it and breaks down in pure sobs. “That fucking bastard. I want his fucking head. He stole everything from me.”
Claudia stares at us in confusion. “She didn’t leave him because he was planning to kill us kids if she did,” Connor answers her unspoken question.
“Oh my God. That’s so twisted,” Claudia says with a gasp, pressing her hand to her mouth.
“As you can see, he’s a demon,” I say. “The bastard raised me, taught me how to kill. Wanted me to kill my own father, by the way,” I chuckled and then continued, “and then he tried to turn me into Swiss cheese.”
“She sacrificed everything for you boys, and I nearly destroyed that in my rage.”
“I can understand it because if someone stole a future with Claudia from me, there is nothing I wouldn’t do. I planned to kill you,” Connor confesses to Saunders while I just stare in silence. My mother made the choice she had to out of motherly devotion, even if it broke her.
Governor Saunders continues. “A part of me has wanted to die for so long. My revenge has been the only thing keeping me alive, but now…” He looks up at me, and I understand. He lost a lifetime with my mother—and with me. I have a father who hates me, and one that never knew I was his.
Saunders looks at me with pure regret on his face. “I’m so sorry, Ian. I would have gone down the dark road, destroying that fucker. She wanted me to stay away, telling me her feelings had changed and that she still cared for that asshole.”
“We all knew there was no love between them,” Connor says. It does Saunders some good as he releases a sigh.
“I think I need to lie back down.” There is no way I can stand. All this information has fucked up my head.
“I’ll walk you upstairs,” Connor says.
“Okay.”
He looks back at his wife, and she nods, giving the okay to be alone with her father—or the man that raised her. “I hate this,” Connor mutters. “But I wouldn’t have met Claudia if this shit didn’t go down.”
“I understand. I just need some rest. Any news on our MacNamara situation?”
“No. He’s in the wind, but we’ll get him. Jack’s doing his best to find some leads. He doesn’t have many allies, so it won’t be long before someone gives him up for a price.”
“What about that detective that he was talking to?” I ask as Connor opens the bedroom door.
“Jack went to speak with her today and get a feel for her.” He fixes my bedding.
I nod and then take a seat on the edge of the bed. It’s not so easy to move my left leg onto the mattress, so I have to take my time. Connor readies himself to catch or assist me, but I manage it just fine. “Okay,” I grunt as I adjust my body to a comfortable position. “Thanks for everything.”