Page 44 of The Prettiest Outlaw

“Go get your bag and whatever else you need. I’ll wait.”

“Nico—”

“Nah, lil bit. You acted like you couldn’t make the decision, so I made it. It’s out of your hands now.” He chuckled. “It’s…above you now.”

“Shut up.” I pushed his arm as he started to get out of the truck so he could come around and open the door for me.

He opened the door, and I stepped out onto the curb.

“Nico—” I began again.

“Go get your stuff. We’ve got all night to talk…or at least some of it. I remember you telling me that you don’t sleep at night. That’s not my experience. All I seem to get is dozing off or drowsy Julianna.”

I couldn’t help my giggle. He was telling the truth.

“I think you were lying. Every time you step foot in my spot, you can barely keep your eyes open.”

My jaw dropped. “And you know why, Nico. You keep putting me to sleep.”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Good dick works better than melatonin. What can I say? Go get your shit. I’m ready to head to the crib.”

I didn’t make him tell me again. I went into my place and gathered my belongings.

* * *

While there were things that I would’ve changed about Nico’s place, there were definitely things that I liked about it. One of those things was the fact that he didn’t have a television in his bedroom. That meant that any time we were in there and not occupied in entertaining one another, the door was open for us to talk.

“Why’d you act like you didn’t want to come over here tonight?” he probed, pushing me lightly on the shoulder.

The two of us were stretched out side by side in his bed. I wore an oversized sleep tee with nothing underneath. He wore basketball shorts. Both of us would divest ourselves of the clothing items before we turned in for the night.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to come over here, Nico.”

“So, why the hesitation?”

“Because,” I huffed out a sigh. “I feel like I’m developing a dependency on you, and that’s not where I’m trying to be.”

“A dependency on me?”

That caused a pin prick of annoyance to travel through me at lightning speed. “Don’t do that. Don’t do that to me. Don’t pretend to be confused about what I mean. I’m at your place four to five times a week, Nico. I’m dozing off with my head on your chest after you fuck me into a coma. We’re with one another all the time. Your cousin asked me how long we’ve been together today. Several of the people at that party told me that they like me for you. People think we’re a couple, Nico. My body thinks we’re a couple. If my brain starts thinking we’re a couple, I’m going to be all fucked up. I feel like I need to…I don’t know…create some boundaries.”

He waved me off. “Fuck some boundaries, lil bit.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who’s on the fast track to getting their heart broken, sir.”

Tears sprang up out of nowhere. Crying wasn’t in the plan. I hadn’t even felt like crying before the tears came.

“I’m not saying I love you, Nico. I’m not trying to freak you out or force you into something,” I said through the tears. “I just…I don’t know. I’m tender right now. I don’t know how else to explain it. I feel like I should be sequestered away somewhere, getting myself strong. I feel like I should be isolating until I’m tough enough for all the stuff the world throws at me. And instead, I’m with you five times a week being open and soft. I’m acting like everything is butterflies and waterfalls, but you and I both know that when I hit the ground, I’m going to crash into concrete. And every bit of hard-fought strength is going to be lost. And I’m going to have to start from zero again.” The tears choked me and stole my voice so that my words came out in a barely audible whisper. “I don’t have it in me to start from zero again.”

Before I knew what was happening, Nico pulled me into his arms. He pressed me into his body, his arms wrapped tightly around me as he dropped kisses on my forehead, on my temples, and in my hair.

I cried. I didn’t sob loudly. I cried quiet tears, the kind that were so painful that you couldn’t make a sound. I could hardly breathe. I could hardly swallow. The pain racked me. My body shuddered, and Nico continued to hold me.

When my body finally released the sounds that had been weighed down inside my chest, they came out ear splittingly loud and primal. They sounded chilling and forlorn. They sounded excruciating and blood-curdling. They scared me. But they didn’t scare Nico. He didn’t flinch. He held me.

* * *

“I wasn’t trying to gaslight you when I repeated what you said about developing a dependency on me. I wasn’t trying to gaslight you, lil bit. I repeated you because I don’t understand why that would be a problem. I’m cool with you having a dependency on me. Shit, I have a dependency on you,” he said softly once I was all cried out.

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