Page 90 of Ronan

“About eight months now. We weren’t serious while I was there. We only went out on a few dates here and there.”

“I’ve been going on and on about you being single. Why not tell me about him? You look so happy next to him. I don’t understand. Frankly, I’m hurt.”

“Mommy, I’m sorry. It’s not about you at all. I’ve been in denial about how I feel about him myself.

“I … I don’t want him to leave. If he’s real, then the clock begins ticking. It’s only a matter of time before he’s gone if I admit I care about him.”

“This is my fault. Freddie told me things would end up like this. I thought I was protecting you at first.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your father didn’t leave us. Not the way I said he did. I was young and scared. Your father and uncle lived a dangerous life. Freddie promised he’d always protect you and nothing like what happened to your father would ever happen again.

“Before Dayton and Marlow, your father was my brother’s right hand. It was Percy, Darius, and Freddie. Then came Dayton and after him Marlow.

“Dayton and your father bumped heads because of me. Your father just didn’t like Marlow. One night, your father went to take care of some business with the two of them. Freddie was supposed to go too, but he received a call and had to turn back.

“Your father never made it home that night and Freddie never got a clear answer about what happened. All he knew was that it changed Dayton and the relationship between him and those two was never the same.

“It was too late to dissolve their business ties. They were in too deep and could lose it all if they parted. They were stronger together. Percy has always stayed out of it.

“Sometimes, I think he is the only one other than those two who knows the truth. Or at least some part of it. I thought … Never mind.”

“You thought what?”

“I shouldn’t say anything.”

“Mom,” I growl.

“There is so much you don’t know. Things not known outside of the horsemen. Some things not even my brother knew.”

“Then tell me. I’m not five anymore. These people are still in my life.”

She sighs and rubs her forehead. “I thought Freddie was looking into something about the connection just before he died. He wouldn’t tell me straight out, but something was going on. He asked me to stay away from the guys for a while.

“Since the funeral, I’ve only recently been in touch with Dayton like we used to be. After my scare, he and Byron reached out to me. I’m only thinking of all this now,” she muses.

“I want you to stay away from all of this,” I bite out.

“Little girl?—”

“Don’t little girl me. I’m telling you this for your own good. If Uncle Freddie gave you a warning, he had a reason for it. Just because he’s gone doesn’t mean the threat is.”

“You should be careful too.”

I nod my head, but get the feeling that’s not what my uncle wanted. His final letter to me, which he left with his will, is starting to make more sense. He was speaking in code, but now I think he was giving instructions and a warning.

That letter is the reason I haven’t rushed to step up and why I haven’t walked away completely. It’s the reason I allow Lyric to run things for me and why I asked LaSalle to keep my identity a secret. I’ve been doing exactly what my uncle told me to do.

“Danny, I’m so sorry,” my mom says, pulling me from my musing. “Now that I’m older and wiser, I see that I made happen just what I wanted to avoid. We lose people every day. Some will hurt more than others, but you can’t live life afraid to let new people in because of those losses.

“I should’ve told you the truth about your father, but I was hurt, and you were so little, I didn’t know what to do.”

Suddenly, it’s like a light is turned on. Things begin to fall into place and it’s like I’m watching my own entire life with true understanding.

“How did you think telling me he left me was the better option? How did making me feel unwanted make sense to you? Do you remember how much I loved that man?

“My father was my world. All my life, I’ve run into relationships blindly, looking for something that’s been missing because I thought I was unworthy of love.

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