Page 44 of Ronan

“Ach, me chest hurts. What did I do wrong to him? Why does he wish to put me in the ground, heartbroken?” Ma cries out dramatically.

“Ma, please. Cut the cameras off and put away ya customs. Yer doing my head in and I still don’t know what’s going on. Cut the dramatics.”

“Little brother, it seems Ma wanted ye and Dean to hit it off, but she and Kaye left first thing this morning. Felix took them back to the cabin and then gave Dean a ride to the airport once she packed her things,” Cass informs as she studies me.

I purse my lips and run a hand through my hair. I shouldn’t have told her I knew her name last night. I should have waited until I was sober.

“I liked her too, but I think it’s for the best. Ronan needs his focus. He should be with ye all when ye go to make this visit with Toby.

“I want to make sure the lad doesn’t have any trouble. It’s nice to have friends, but I trust family,” Da says, breaking into my spiraling thoughts.

“Fuck,” I snarl and turn to storm out.

“Ha, he does fancy this one. Maybe it’s time I go to the States to help him fix his mess, so it is,” Ma says as I walk away.

“Ya will do no such thing. He’s a grown man. Let him figure his own life out.”

“He’s a grown tool, a moppet he is. Going on forty-five and still hasn’t a rasher how to get and keep a woman.”

“Laoise, have ya ever thought that he has and something went wrong? He’s right, love. Give it a rest,” Da replies.

I don’t hear her reply as I make my way out of the house to catch my breath. She’s gone. Did she ever intend to make good on our deal?

* * *

Dean

I down anotherglass of red as I pull slipcovers off the furniture in my uncle’s old brownstone. I knew it would be painful to come here, but it was my only option for now. A hotel wouldn’t be secure or private enough.

I refuse to go back to PA. My uncle once told me once you start killing family, something is wrong. Either they got beside themselves and committed the ultimate disrespect, or you have lost yourself and your humanity.

“Have I lost myself?” I say into my empty glass as I shrug and go to pour another.

Anika isn’t safe around me yet. The problem is, I don’t know what this says about me. My thoughts go to Ronan and how much I see he cares about his family.

I was never afforded the opportunity to have that. From the time I was five, I’ve had to question people around me. I lead with gifts and love because I thought that would make them stay.

It never works, but I still try. All I ever get in return is hurt. The ruthless part of me tells me not to care; I don’t need them.

“This shit is getting so lonely. I might just be losing myself.”

It’s not lost on me that while I have somewhere to stay, I don’t have anyone here with me. My guys don’t count. They are here to watch my back, not break bread with me and give me human interaction.

I actually miss Dae-Dae with his little face and all his questions. I’d take his little grown ass over this silence. I cover my stomach with my hand and think of the fact that I will never have a little one of my own.

This life isn’t built for that. I guess that’s why Uncle Freddie never had kids of his own. I brush the thought off. I don’t think I like kids enough to have my own.

“Maybe I should let this all go. Start fresh, become someone new. I’ll freeze my eggs or something and travel across the country,” I snicker drunkenly to the empty room.

I sigh at my thoughts. These last six months have gone a long way in healing my heart. Felix’s family showed me what seemed like genuine love.

Even if Ronan was trying to get in my pants the entire time, he never made me feel like he was using me. I wish I had more time to get to know what being his would be like.

I snap out of my thoughts and spin quickly as I feel the energy in the room shift. Drawing and aiming my gun, I prove to myself that six months wasn’t long enough for me to forget everything that’s been ingrained in me. I will never forget this side of who I am.

“Shit, Danny,” Byron huffs with his hands up in the air.

I place the safety back on the gun I’m aiming at him. He should know better than to sneak up on me. I’m not that in the bottle to be slipping.

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