Page 123 of Winning Brynn

Miss Jessica.

My stomach sinks, worry twisting painfully inside me at the realization that something must be wrong with Ivy. I haven’t had much time in the past couple of weeks to see her—a fact that hurts me just as much as it makes me feel guilty.

Ivy has so few people in the world, and I’ve been too preoccupied by the situation with Isabella to be there for her the way I know she needs me to be.

Issy looks at me quizzically, noticing the flash of concern on my face. “Want me to take Salem, so you can answer that?”

“Yeah, if that's okay.” I curse under my breath when the incoming call cuts off. “Would you mind grabbing her a snack from the kitchen while I’m gone? There’s some fruit and stuff in the fridge.”

I’m already hitting the callback button before she has a chance to respond. I don’t know how I feel about leaving Salem and Issy alone after our conversation, so I vow to be quick and duck down the hallway to Leo’s office.

“Brynn?” Miss Jessica’s voice drifts down the line as I fold myself into the chair at Leo’s desk, curling my legs underneath me.

“I’m here. Is Ivy okay?”

“She’s fine, but she has been begging to call you for a week now, and I tried to tell her that you’re busy, and we shouldn’t disturb you, but well…you know Ivy, and she can be quite persistent.”

I give a relieved laugh in response. “She can call me anytime. You know that.”

“Miss Brynn! Miss Brynn!” Ivy’s excited little voice in the background hits me straight in the heart. “Miss Brynn, I lost my first toof!”

There’s some fumbling down the line as Miss Jessica passes over the phone, giving way to approximately seven minutes of Ivy chatting relentlessly about the “toof” fairy, until she cuts herself off mid-spiel to ask me very solemnly, “When will I get to call you mommy?”

Ah, fuck.

I hate it when she asks me this, which, recently, has been every single time I’ve seen her. She’s so certain that I’ll adopt her one day, and I don’t have the words, or the strength, to break her heart.

To break both our hearts.

In the back of my mind, a small voice whispers that things might be different now that Leo and I are together. I have a home now. I earn a good living from my influencing work to raise her comfortably, and I know the apartment is safe for children because Leo has made it so for his daughter.

But while my new relationship with Leo has cleared all the roadblocks to adoption that I had previously, it has thrown up a bunch of new ones.

We’ve only been officially together a week. And while he’s been incredibly steadfast in his conviction that we’re a family, that doesn’t give me the right to make decisions that will affect his daughter. I don’t doubt his love for me, but I can’t ignore how quickly we’ve reached this point.

It’s only been a handful of months since I started working as Salem’s nanny, back when he could barely stand the sight of me. If things between us can move so quickly, then who’s to say they can’t change back just as fast?

And it’s not that I think they will, but that’s not a risk I can afford to take with Ivy. She deserves stability, and I’m still not in a position to confidently give that to her.

Plus, I can’t say Leo would take it well if I told him I wanted to adopt a second child so early on in the game. Talk about moving fast. The man would run for the hills.

I think my words through carefully. “It might be a very long time before that’s possible, sweet girl. And you might find another mommy before then.”

Even without seeing her, I can tell she’s pouting. “I don’t want another mommy.”

I’m trying not to cry when we end the call with the promise that I’ll come and see her this weekend. My eyes sting even as I find my way back through to the kitchen, where Issy has Salem set up in her highchair at the island.

“Everything okay?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I lie, tracing the marble lines of the countertop distractedly with my finger. “Sorry about that. Was everything okay with Salem while I was gone?”

She shrugs. “She fussed for a bit when you left, but I gave her some grapes, and that seemed to cheer her up.”

“Yeah, food is the way to that girl’s heart,” I chuckle. “Did you slice them first?”

“What?”

“The grapes. They’re a choking hazard, so you have to slice them first.”

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