Page 6 of Our Secrets and Scars

I hope you can. I hope it brings you the joy it brought me today. I hope it brings you the peace you’re in need of right now, and secretly, I hope that I’ve done that for you too.

Love, Kinsley

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Inmate #7492

Idaho State Correctional Institution

13500 Pleasant Valley Rd.

Caldwell, ID 83634

Kinsley,

Can I tell you a secret?

Do you remember me telling you about the girlfriend I had before I came here? To jail, I mean. Her name was Beth, and she was pretty and sweet and the kind of girl that mothers hope their sons end up with. We were young, but I thought I loved her, y’know?

I didn’t though, I know that now.

I’ve told you this before, but she broke up with me the first time she came to visit. At first, I was torn up about it. Thought my heart was breaking, to be honest. But looking back now, I think I was so upset because it was another slice of familiarity I was losing. Another piece of home being taken away from me. It was the moment I realized how truly alone I was.

And that loneliness has tortured me for the almost five years that I’ve been incarcerated. It makes me feel so cold that I swear ice crystals have begun growing in my veins. I’ve never known a feeling like it. The solitude is endless. I’m surrounded by people, so many fucking people, and yet I’m all alone. But Kinsley, your letters are my salvation. When I’m feeling cold, your words bring me warmth. Even when you don’t have much to say, reading your letters is the only way to ease the unbearable loneliness I feel every day.

I guess you’re wondering what the secret is.

Kinsley, it’s because of you that I know I never loved Beth. Because not once in our relationship did she ever bring me the peace that you do.

And I don’t even know what you look like.

Always, Fletcher

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Kinsley Garcia

1152 Llamarada Blvd.

Twin Falls, ID 83301

Dear Fletcher,

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we saw each other in real life.

Do you think we’d know who the other was straight away, like an instinct? Or do you think we’d walk straight past, oblivious to the fact that the person we barely even cast a glance at is the one who knows all our secrets? We’ll probably never know. Does it make you as sad as it makes me? That our letters are all we’ll ever have. That you’ll never know the sound of my voice or the texture of the scars on my face.

I can’t let myself think about that for too long. Not if I want to get out of bed and go to school and live my life. The thought of never really knowing you makes me want to sleep for a thousand years.

But maybe, just maybe, it’s for the best.

Because what if we did meet, but you didn’t like what you saw? What then?

Thinking of you always.

Love, Kinsley

P.S. You didn’t call me Kinz.

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