Page 69 of Our Secrets and Scars

“Sorry would be a good place to start,” I pitch in, only to receive a scathing look from Kinsley.

“Holden!”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Isla says. “He’s right.”

I know I shouldn’t have said it, but the caveman in me rears his ugly head wherever Kinsley is involved. Whether it be marking her with my initial or standing up for her to her friends, I can’t help but be protective of her. Not when she’s the most sacred thing in the entire world to me.

“I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry,” Isla continues, her eyes damp with unshed tears. “Forgive me for being a crappy friend? I’ll work on it. I’ll do better, I promise.”

“We’re cool.” Kinsley laughs. “Just don’t force me to go out and then ditch me, deal?” She holds out her hand for her friend to shake.

Isla finally smiles, her eyes dry and relief evident in every atom of her being. I can imagine how she feels. No one wants to lose Kinsley from their lives. She shines so brightly, so damn beautifully, that our worlds would be completely dark without her.

“Deal.”

The waitress comes over and interrupts the moment with perfect timing. She takes our orders and saunters away, having broken the incredible tension at our table without even realizing it.

“So, fill me in,” Isla says excitedly. “Start at the beginning and don’t leave a thing out.”

Kinsley does exactly that. She tells the story of us from the day we exchanged letters for the first time, and Isla listens with her mouth agape, occasionally interjecting with shocked sentiments and comments. Even Harriet, who’s been completely silent until now, joins in and asks questions of her own. Everything from before is forgotten. The girls all sit a little straighter, their shoulders lifted now, noticeably more relaxed.

And I spend the rest of the night watching Kinsley out of the corner of my eye, my chest swelling with warmth every time she smiles and my heart tumbling every time she graces us all with a laugh. It’s extraordinary to see her this way. So light, so full of life.

I could spend the rest of my days looking at her and never get the urge to look away.

We eat our chicken and share our garlic bread. She leaves me the last piece, but I insist we split it, even though the bitter taste makes me nauseous. It’s such a natural thing to do, sharing food like a couple who’s been together for years, that I don’t want to miss a moment like that, no matter how much I dislike what I’m eating. The way my heart glows golden makes it all worth it.

And later, when I drive Kinsley back to her dorm and wish her good night with my lips pressed to hers, I realize that never before have I felt such happiness. Such contentment. Such deep and profoundpeace.

And though dinner with her friends at a rundown, greasy diner wasn’t what I had in mind for our first date, I guess it wasn’t so bad after all.

Nineteen

Kinsley

“Weshoulddosomethingfun,” I tell Holden a week or so later as we lie on top of his rumpled bed sheets.

It’s late morning, and the sun is high, cutting ribbons of light into the room through the spaces between the slats in the blinds. It bathes us both in gold, making everything around us look as if it’s been touched by some divine entity. It’s magical, ethereal, and it makes me wonder momentarily if everything is too good to be true.

“Yeah?” Holden grins at me, his cheek resting on his arm that’s bent under his head. “What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know.” I huff. “But I came up with the idea to do something, so you should decide what we do.”

“Hmm.” He rubs his hand over the short scruff on his jaw in thought. “Paintball?”

I grimace. “Getting shot in the ass with tiny paint-filled bullets going two hundred miles per hour? No, thank you.”

He laughs, shaking his head. “Okay then, what about the indoor ski center?”

“Too cold.”

“A museum?”

“Too boring.”

“You’re a nightmare.”

I bury my face in his chest to hide my smile. His knowing chuckle rumbles beneath me and it only makes me smile harder.

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