Page 37 of Our Secrets and Scars

Like this, I’m surrounded by the scent of him. Firewood and birch, it’s homey and familiar, anddamn,it makes me even crazier for him. I’ve never smelled something so masculine before, never been lifted by a man like I’m made of nothing but feathers and held as if I’m worth cherishing. I’ve only ever known boys, but Holden is unmistakably a man.

My core still pulses with the memory of him inside me, how he’d stretched me apart so perfectly. AndGod, I’m so desperate to feel it again. My body is hungry for him. Starving. Greedy.

I cling to him as he carries me, burying my face deeper into his neck, placing an open-mouthed kiss to his pulse point and sucking. Hard.

“Fuck,Violet.” Air hisses through Holden’s teeth, and I feel his grip on me grow impossibly tighter. “Cut it out or I’ll drop you.”

I ignore him, continuing to suck little purple bruises over his neck and up to his ear. By the time he finally lets us into his apartment, I’ve got his earlobe between my teeth and my nails raking along his scalp as he mutters shaky curses under his breath.

Then suddenly, I’m in the air.

Holden stands over me, his arms crossed over his chest, as I fly backward onto his bed. I bounce as I hit the mattress, the breath stolen from my lungs. And though I feel completely and utterly safe in his presence, I scurry to the head of the bed, my heart pumping in nervous anticipation.

He stares down at me, his eyes black pits of gravity and dirty promises. The look alone makes me shudder and rub my thighs together, and when he pulls his T-shirt over his head to reveal his defined chest and tattooed skin, I drawl like a fucking dog.

“Take off your clothes,” he orders, his voice throaty and rough.

He’s a different man now than who he was in his truck. He’s commanding, serious, and dominating in all the best ways. And the way he looks at me, like he can’t bear to look anywhere else, makes me want to give him everything he wants.

So, I do. I start with my shirt, unbuttoning it slowly and letting it slip from my shoulders. Then I rear up onto my knees to pull my skirt down and fall back on my ass to slide it down my legs. I pull my hair out of its scrunchie, feeling it tumble around my shoulders and hiding the side of my face that I wish I wasn’t thinking about right now.

But any self-consciousness I feel dissipates at the sight of Holden watching me. His gaze rakes over me, lingering on the valley between my breasts and the gentle curves of my hips, before trailing down my legs. His tongue darts out to wet his lips in a motion I’m not even sure that he’s aware of, but it’s sultry and seductive and makes me mirror the movement myself.

Lying back, I prop myself up on my elbows and look down the length of my body at him, eyes sparkling in challenge. I’ve left on my black lace underwear and white knee-high socks, tied at the back with little satin bows. If he wants them gone, he can remove them himself.

“Oh, little one.” He chuckles, deep and dark. “Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re the one in control here.”

I blink at him, his words igniting a path of wildfire through my body. The way he’s standing, his chest broad and exposed, his hands clenched into tight fists at his sides, holds such authority that I need his next command like I need my next breath. Because this side of him, this bossy, controlling, dominantside, calls to the part of my soul that I’ve kept secret for so long. The part of my soul that craves my own submission, that is desperate to be cared for and commanded until I forget the thoughts inside my head.

If I thought that Holden’s virginity would mean he couldn’t give me that, then clearly, I was wrong.

“Let’s get something straight before we go any further,” he growls. “I may have never fucked a woman before you and I may have shot my load a little early because I hadn’t expected how goddamn incredible it would feel to be inside you, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that I don’t know how to please a woman. Or that I don’t know exactly what you need from me right now. Understand?”

I nod, stupefied.

“Use your words, Violet.” He undoes the buckle of his belt and lets it fall open. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, Holden.”

“Good girl.” I swallow as he stalks closer, towering over me. “Now do as your told and take off the rest of your clothes.”

He runs his hand up the length of my leg and slips his finger inside the elastic of one of my socks before pulling it back and letting it snap against my skin. A gasp escapes me, and he grins wickedly. “Leave these on.”

I have no other choice but to do as he says. The tension in the air is so thick, I can feel it clogging my lungs and stealing my breath. And when I’ve finally unclasped my bra and wiggled out of my panties, I’m almost too nervous to look at him.

I’m so exposed. Every part of me is on display, and though I’m pretty sure he can’t see the scars on my face, it feels as if he can because I can feel the heat of his gaze everywhere.

My nipples pebble, despite the heat prickling my skin, and they strain to points that are almost painful. I’m so wound up that one little touch to my pussy could cause me to detonate, and it’s so intense that I can hardly stand it. So I keep my eyes fixed firmly on a crease in the gray bed covers and fight to keep myself calm.

“Look at me.”

My eyes snap to meet his immediately. And what I find in them makes my breath catch. Fire. Pure, blazing, uncontrollable fire. It’s so hot that I have to fight the urge to move backward for fear of catching alight myself. The flames are so wild, I have this inexplicable urge to run, but a heavy pressure in my chest keeps me rooted to the bed.

“You’re fucking beautiful.”

I look away; I can’t help it.

When was the last time someone called me beautiful?It was Fletcher in one of his letters, and though reading those words had made butterflies flutter around in my stomach, I’d found it difficult to believe them. How could I, when he’d never even seen my face?

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