Page 35 of Our Secrets and Scars

I don’t care that I sound desperate, because Iamdesperate. There’s no point in pretending with him, not when I’m sure he can see straight into my soul anyway. We both have our secrets, but I swear that sometimes when he looks at me, he’s looking right into my darkest corners, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.

He smirks, and with one hand, pulls my panties to the side and positions me above him.

Our eyes meet, silver and mahogany gazes tethered together like the moon and tide. And like that, without either one of us even breaking eye contact to blink, I sink down onto him.

Gasps. Labored breath. Indescribable pleasure.

That’s all that exists to me right now. Everything else blurs into nothingness. All I know is Holden and the feel of him inside me, the sounds we’re making, and the way our bodies lock to one another as if we never want to break apart.

His hands shoot to my hips, grounding me down on his lap, but his hold is too firm to allow me to move.

“Fuck,” he breathes, his eyelids at half-mast. “I need a minute. You feel too fucking good.”

He fits me so perfectly, stretching me apart so much that it straddles the line between pleasure and pain. He fills me like I’ve never experienced before, and it’s a sensation that is both incredible and fucking extraordinary. It makes me physically shake from the struggle of keeping still when my starving pussy wants nothing more than to swallow him over and over again.

I clench around him unwittingly, my primal instincts taking over despite my effort to do as Holden’s asked.

“Please, Holden, please let me move.”

His head falls back and hits the rest behind him as he breathes hard. He gives me a tiny, almost imperceptible head nod, but I see it like a lighthouse shining through the dark. And without waiting another moment, I rise up and fall back onto him.

His mouth drops open as he releases a long, deep moan. And I’m right there with him, panting and moaning and whispering inaudible words as I rise and fall over and over again. I can feel my orgasm building, this low heat that starts deep in my core and spreads through me. My toes curl as I chase the feeling, bouncing faster, taking him harder.

“Fuck, stop, stop, stop.” Holden grabs me and tries to keep me in place.

I look down at him, confused, but one look at his face and I understand.

His eyes are scrunched tight, his nostrils flaring, and his lips parted as a deep guttural sound is torn from him. I feel him pulse inside me. His legs shake, and though I feel my orgasm slipping away, watching him come inside me because the pleasure was too much to handle is possibly the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Because for the first time in so long, I feel wanted. I feeldesired. And that is more than I could have ever expected from this experience.

It’s more profound than any orgasm he could have ever given me.

He doesn’t realize it, and he probably wouldn’t understand if I tried to explain it anyway, but coming before he was ready is the best thing he could have done for me today.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he whispers, his eyes still closed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I hold his face in my hands and rub his cheeks with my thumbs until he finally opens his eyes to look at me. His face is a mess of embarrassment, his cheeks blushed, and his chin dipped low.

“I’ve never done that before.” His voice is so quiet, a rasp. It’s too quiet to even be considered a whisper, but somehow, I still hear it.

“Holden, it’s okay. It happens to loads of people,” I try to reassure him, but he shakes his head like I’m not getting it.

“No,” he says and dips his head to hide his eyes.

Gone is the cocky, confident Holden I’ve come to know, and in his place is a shy, almost bashful man struggling to find his voice. I continue my gentle stroking of his face with my thumbs, feeling him wilt like a flower inside of me and hoping that my gentleness might bring him a little peace.

“I’ve never done that before at all.”

I freeze, hoping to all hell that I misunderstand him.

“What?”

He finally raises his head to look at me again, eyes nervous and vulnerable. “I’ve never had sex before, Violet.”

My heart plummets as guilt tears through me, poisoning the light I felt in every beat of my heart just moments ago.

“You were a virgin?” I choke out, climbing off of him. “How? How is that even possible?”

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