Page 59 of Lovers in Lockdown

I pick up my phone to call her, except I don’t have her number.

I don’t have her fucking number.

Shit.

What the fuck do I do?

I pace the length of the apartment, occasionally slamming my fist against the ivory-coloured wall and ignoring the pain that shoots through it every time, because it’s nothing in comparison to the torture my heart is going through right now.

I scrunch my eyes shut and think.

I can call Reid.

Assuming he didn’t block my number the second he found out that I’d heartlessly abandoned his sister in the middle of the night and treated her like a girl I’d picked up in a bar, who’s name I’d forgotten the second I’d got what I wanted from her. And in the off chance that he hasn’t blocked my number, what are the chances of him actually being willing to talk to me?

I haven’t heard from it since I left. Haven’t reached out to him either for fear of confirming what I already know, that I’ve lost the only family I have ever had. I doubt he’ll even pick up.

But I try anyway because I’m desperate. And because I can’t sit here any longer without hearing Honey’s voice, without trying to make things better.

Fuck,if Reid doesn’t pick up, I’m screwed.

But he does pick up.

He lets the phone ring right up until the last second, to torture me most likely, but the man picks up.He picks up.And I think I could actually die with relief.

But there’s silence at the end of line.

‘Reid?’ I whisper.

Nothing.

‘Reid? You there?’

Still nothing.

‘I just need to know she’s okay, man.’ My voice is pleading and desperate. Honestly, at this point, I’m not above begging. I’ll do what needs to be done to be able to talk to Honey, to tell her that I love her, even though I know it changes nothing. Even if she doesn’t feel the same.

Still nothing, but I hear an almost imperceptible grunt that tells me that he’s listening, he just doesn’t want to talk to me. The man’s pissed.

‘Dude,please,’ I scrunch my eyes shut and hold my breath, the hope of convincing him to give me his little sister’s number slowly fading away.

But finally, a sigh. ‘You fucked up big, man,’ he says.

My heart breaks even more. It’s one thing to think that you’ve hurt the person you love most in the world, it’s another to know it for sure. And Reid isn’t one to get involved in his sister’s life, so if he says I fucked up, then Ifucked up.

‘I know,’ my voice is a whisper of guilt and shame. ‘You sound like shit.’

‘I feel like shit.’

‘Yeah, so does Honey.’ Every word is another stab to my heart. I have never hated myself more than this moment.

‘Is she okay?’ I already know it’s a stupid question, but I have to ask it anyway. Have to know how she’s doing.

‘What do you think?’ he snorts. ‘You clearly didn’t care very much about her feelings when you ghosted her in the middle of the night with no warning, so why do you care so much now?’

I drag a hand down my face and clench my jaw. Never in all the years of our friendship has Reid ever spoken to me the way he is now. Like he hates me. And I get it, I do. Because I hate me too. But I called for a reason and being yelled at isn’t exactly what I need right now.

‘Look, mate,’ I sigh. ‘I rang because I need her number. I don’t have it. Would you give it to me? Please?’

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