Page 60 of Lovers in Lockdown

‘Why would I do that? You’re the last person she wants to speak to right now.’

‘I need to talk to her.’

‘And say what?’

I bang my head against the wall. I don’t know what I want to say to her, I just know that Ihaveto talk to her. I have to make things okay. Have to make her understand that I left the way I did not because she means nothing to me, but because she meanseverythingto me.

In her whole life, Honey has never been loved the way she deserves by anyone. Not by her mother. Not by her stupid, shitty, exhibitionist ex-boyfriend with his tiny cock, who didn’t know enough about the female body to give her an orgasm even once in their entire relationship.

Not even by me.

And the worst thing is, I’ve never met anyone more worthy of love.

Because the woman is gold dust. She has a smile that could stop the Earth from turning, that could end wars and win the Nobel Peace Prize. She pours so much love and kindness into everyone, her brother, Ellie, her students,me. And yeah, sometimes that love can manifest in weird ways, like sobbing at the six o’clock news or diagnosing everyone with deadly diseases, or even painting naked portraits of me with key parts of my anatomy missing, but that only makes her moreHoney. And we could all do with being a little bit more Honey.

Because,damn,she’s the sun. And the rest of us, well, we’re all just balls of rock floating through space in her orbit.

How can I even begin to explain all of that to her?

‘I love her, man,’ I whisper, praying to God that Reid believes me and shows me mercy.

‘Why did you leave then?’ He must hear my desperation because this time his voice is softer. Not by a lot, in fact, someone who doesn’t know him as well wouldn’t hear the change at all, but I do. And that means there’s hope.

‘Fuck, I didn’t have a choice. We were in bed and my boss texted me telling me to get my ass to the airport and she was already asleep and I just didn’t know how to say goodbye. He owns my place out here, I have no money to get my own. And I’m not good at this stuff, alright? I don’t do relationships. I’ve never been in love. I don’t knowhowto be in love. But she taught me, man. She taught me what love feels like, whathomefeels like. And I just couldn’t face saying goodbye to her, because saying goodbye would mean that it’s all over and I’m just not ready for it to be over.’ The last sentence comes out a strangled whisper due to the lump growing in my throat like a tumour.

And no, I’m not embarrassed to be standing here crying over a girl, because she’s not just any girl, she’s theonlygirl and real men cry, goddammit.

Reid says nothing, silence stretching between us for what feels like a decade. It goes on and on and on until I’m convinced that he’s put his phone down on the side and walked away.

But finally, there’s movement on the other end of the line. ‘You tell her you love her?’

‘No,’ I hang my head in shame.

‘Would you have stayed if you could?’ he asks, the question surprising me, because I was fully preparing myself for the verbal equivalent of a baseball bat to the balls.

Butfuckdoes that question inflict more pain on me than any damage a wooden sporting instrument could do to my favourite area.Because of course I would have stayed.If I only had a place to live, or a job in the country, or a little bit of money behind me, I’d have texted my boss back immediately with my notice of resignation, wrapped my arm tighter around Honey and fallen asleep with my nose buried in her hair.

‘Yeah, man, in a heartbeat.’

He falls quiet again.

‘You need to tell her how you feel,’ he says finally.

‘I know,’ I sigh. ‘That’s why I rang, I need her number.’

‘No, dude. You need to tell her in person.’

I bang my head against the wall again. ‘Have you been listening? Ican’t.’

‘Jesus Christ,’ he blows out an exasperated breath. ‘What would you rather be doing right now? Smacking your oversized head against the wall and moping around like a pathetic shit, or winning my sister back?’

He makes a good point, albeit an obvious one.

‘The second one.’

‘So, quit your job. Find a flight. And get the fuck back over here. I’ll sort everything out for you, you don’t need to worry about that.’

My heart starts thudding hell to leather, waking up from a two-week long sleep where it hardly beat at all. ‘Are you serious?’

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