Page 54 of Love You, Mean It

“When?” My eyes widened with genuine shock.

“For about a year. I proposed on her twenty-third birthday, we were in Turks and Caicos. It was all very…” He pursed his lips.

“Instagramworthy?”

“Exactly.” He laughed, rueful.

“Twenty-three. That’s pretty young.”

“It seems young now, but back then…We’d been together since sophomore year in college, everyone seemed to be expecting it…” He turned his gaze to the ceiling, body tensing defensively. “And we were in love. Or I thought we were.”

I swallowed hard, ignoring the ache the words opened up just beneath my sternum.

“Anyway, you’ve met Sam. She’s always known exactly what she wants.”

“Was she planning some over-the-top wedding?”

“The opposite. Sam wanted us to run off to Vegas specifically toavoidthat. Her mom’s not like Ted—she actually means well—but she’s very…traditional. True old money, ‘There’s a way things are done’ and all that. There was never going to be a version of that wedding that Kate didn’t completely dominate.”

“So…what happened?”

“I told you about the doubts I was having. About working for Ted, I mean.”

“Right…”

“Sam was very much Team Leave the Company. She was the one who started bringing home applications to architecture schools.”

“Shouldn’t that have been your choice?”

“Yes…and no.” Theo canted his head, considering. “To her it was just…simple. I wasn’t happy, I wouldn’t be able to grow there, so the only logical thing was to leave as soon as possible and do the thing that had a chance ofmakingme happy.”

“I guess that makes sense. Still…it’syourlife.”

“But we were planning to build a life together.” Theo’s lips twisted at my grimace. “Like I said, we were young. Honestly, I think she saw it as supporting me, not pressuring me. I told her it was what I wanted.”

“I suppose…” I could just about see my way to her meaning well, but still…it felt perilously close to assuming you can justreworkpeople into the shape you’d prefer.

“Anyway, I was getting started with the applications and then…Chase.” Theo’s brow clouded. “When he died…everything just went sideways.” He shook his head sharply, Adam’s apple bobbing as he blinked away a shimmer of tears. I squeezed hisfingers a little tighter, throat thickening sympathetically. Soon, though, that feeling was consumed in a spurt of fiery indignation.

“Wait…she left because your brotherdied?”

“What? No. God no.” Theo shook his head rapidly. “Sam was incredible through all that. I’m not sure I’d have made it through without her.”

“Oh. Well…that’s good.” I tried to ignore the prickling thorn of jealousy growing out of my fury ashes. “But then…what happened?”

“I just…took too long.” Theo shrugged. “There was no way I was going to abandon Ted right after that. I’m not sure I could have held it together through the applications process anyway. But after a few months, things started going back to normal, at least with work, and all the same problems reappeared. Sam started pushing me to apply again, but I flat-out refused. It was too soon, it would kill my father, blah blah blah.”

“I mean…that sounds legit to me.”

“It wasn’t completely off base, but it was an excuse, and we both knew it. To her credit she dropped the subject for a few more months. But when she brought it up at the next round of application deadlines—this would have been almost a year after Chase died—it didn’t go over as well.” Theo sighed heavily and took another long sip of champagne. “She didn’t actuallysayI was using it as an excuse, but I knew that’s what she was thinking. And I blew up. It turned into one of those fights where you say all kinds of things you’ve been holding on to for too long, things you don’t even mean, just because you’re feeling defensive. I really laid into her, told her she was heartless, that she’d never lovedme,just the on-paper version. Now, of course, I realize she was right.”

I felt for both of them. It sounded like Sam had been genuinely trying to help, even if she didn’t go about it well. And Theo could intellectualize itnow,but he must have still been reeling from grief. That kind of loss didn’t disappear so much as it became normalized, like a scar from childhood you’d gotten used to. Or maybemore a limb that’s been lopped off, the pain reigniting every time you take a step into empty air and realize anew that it’s gone.

If they’d been five years older when it happened, or if Chase had lived…the only question would have been whether Kate got her way about her daughter’s lavish wedding. And Sam couldn’t have been clearer: She was still in love with Theo, even now.

A heavy, wrung-out feeling overtook me. The idea of him and Sam, a Greek tragedy that could still avert the inevitable ending, dug sharp claws into the part of me that had felt vaguely guilty since we’d started this charade. Theo couldn’t be further from my type, but I couldn’t keep pretending that he was just an overpriced oxford and a jawline. The question seemed to percolate through me of its own accord, buoyed on champagne and guilt and the vast ocean of long-buried emotions I’d thrown Theo into with this conversation.

“Have you ever thought…that maybe you should give it another shot?” I whispered. “With Sam, I mean.”

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