Page 91 of What Sleeps Within the Cove

“Why?” he asked, his face pinching with the word. It was barely a whisper between us, so sad and heartbroken that I floundered for an answer. The last time I’d seen the man who had once been my lover, I’d killed him.

I’d been the reason he died, the one to send him to the afterlife. I’d never imagined he might come to Tartarus instead of reincarnating, never dared to think of what might have become of him. The guilt was too great to bear when faced with his new reality, plunging into my heart like icy talons gripping my heart.

“Why what?” I asked, shaking off the thoughts that wouldn’t help either of us. The question seemed obvious, but I couldn’t stand to make assumptions about what he may need answers to. Not when I’d already taken so much from him as it was.

“Why did you kill me?” he asked, his face twisting into a sob.

“I didn’t mean to,” I said, the truth strangling my throat. “You were trying to kill me, and theviniculumcouldn’t allow that. I wouldn’t have hurt you intentionally. You know that.”

“Do I?” Loris asked, running a hand through his hair that was darkened by the water clinging to it. There was something violent in the motion, an energy that was barely restrained. “Why is that exactly? Was it because you loved me so much you couldn’t bear to live without me?”

The sarcastic tone of the words made me flinch, the harshness seeming completely out of nowhere. Loris and I had been clear from the very beginning of our physical relationship that what we shared was never going to be about love. It was never in the cards for us, and we’d only wanted to taste what was forbidden. “You were my friend,” I said, letting him feel the genuineness of those words. He may not have been the love of my life, but I’d cared for him in my own way.

“Right. Your friend,” he said, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. “Because you have a filthy fucking Fae mate, and I was just the placeholder.”

“How was I supposed to know that I had a mate or that the Veil would fall? What I felt for you was an entirely different situation that had nothing to do with him,” I argued, wincing as he took a step toward me. I backed away instinctively, not wanting his hands to touch me. I didn’t know what Caldris could feel when I was in the river, if he could hear the thoughts. Our bond was silent for me when I was gone, only the barest of impressions coming down the bond as if the river muffled it.

“That’s not entirely true,” he hissed, his steps continuing as I backed over the flowers behind me. I raised my feet, trying not to trample them as I watched tears track down Loris’s face. “You may not have been aware of his existence before the Veil fell, but that doesn’t mean your heart was ever yours to give. You were never going to be capable of loving me.”

“We agreed when we decided to get physical. We both knew it was only a matter of time before you chose a wife, and I had to marry whoever they decided for me. Love was never going to be mine to give whether it was with my mate or a human husband,” I said, my back striking the trunk of one of the trees at the edge of the grove. The bark dug into the back of my head, my hair tangling on the rough surface as I tried to keep my distance.

“The difference, Estrella,” he argued, his head tilting to the side. I didn’t know if I should expect anger or sorrow, his features flashing between the two emotions so quickly that I couldn’t keep track. They were so entwined together, a horrible mix of emotions that was so strange on Loris’s face. In life, he’d been so carefree. He’d been the gentlest of the Mist Guard, completely different from the rest of the harsh men who had made up that force. “Is that you would have hated your husband for the rest of your life. I would have been the only man you everchosefor yourself. I accepted the fact that they wouldn’t allow me to marry you. I accepted the fact that one day, I would have to watch you bind yourself to another, because I knew we would always have those nights in the woods. I knew I would find a way to continue to meet you and continue our relationship in secret. I knew nothing needed to change, and that I would spend every day for the rest of my life looking at your children and wondering if they were his or mine.”

I fumbled for words, trying to grapple with understanding. None of what he said made any sense with the man I knew, none of it lined up with any of the conversations I remembered us having. We’d planned to go our separate ways once there was a spouse involved, because neither of us wanted to hurt innocents who might have had real love involved. Not when we were just in it for pleasure that could be found in any body. “That was never what I wanted.”

Loris reached out, running his thumb over my cheek. “And what of what I want? Does that not matter to you at all?” he asked, glancing above his head.

Three golden apples hung from a tree branch higher up, too far for him to reach but more enticing than I could ever recall a simple apple looking. His stare came down to mine once again, his eyes burning as he leaned into my space more. With his mouth only a breath from mine, I turned my head away and gave him my cheek. “Stop it,” I hissed.

“We can still have those forbidden nights in the woods, Estrella. That’s my price,” he said, the bitterness and pride in the words making my heart sink into my stomach. That was the one thing I could not do, the one task that I would never complete. I wouldn’t step out on my mate, wouldn’t engage in any activity that would hurt him or bring him shame.

He came before everything else.

“Your price?” I asked, swallowing as the world spun at my feet.

“You cannot reach the apples withoutmyhelp. You were thegreatest betrayal of my life, and now it brings me great joy to know that you will never leave this place without me. You may want to return to your mate, but I will do everything in my power to make sure you never see him again. If I must suffer here, then I’ll at least do it with you at my side,” he said, pressing his hand to the front of my throat. The touch was far more aggressive than anything Loris had ever done before, harsh where he was usually sweet.

“Loris, please. This isn’t you,” I said, shaking my head and trying to squirm away from his grip without causing him any more harm than I had already done.

“You want my help? I want you to go back to your fucking mate and be forced to tell him what you’ve done. I want to fuck you one last time, Estrella. I want to know what a Goddess feels like on the inside, and I want to go into my afterlife with the joy of knowing I have ruined you for him,” he said, angry tears accompanying the words.

“No,” I said, my voice catching with emotion. My throat closed, the pressure around me feeling like a hand on my neck and squeezing. My mouth opened on a scream but didn’t allow any sound to pass, my lungs filling with water I could not see.

“Then I reject you, Estrella Barlowe. You have failed the Trial of the Cocytus,” he said, his voice strengthening as he stepped away. I sank to my knees, clawing at my throat as the water burned through my lungs. It was so cold, so brutal as I sank into the depths of the river once again.

I’d failed, and that was how I died.

FIFTY-EIGHT

CALDRIS

Estrella sputtered as the river spat her out, washing her ashore. She struggled to breathe as the sand scratched at the surface of her armor, leaving me to haul her away from the riverbank. Her body was limp as she fought for breath, the lack of response from her making worry settle in my gut. There was nothing held in her hands, no sign of her victory, but a loss shouldn’t have meant she survived.

In all the trials I’d seen her survive, in all those I’d seen play out in her head as she thought back, she would have died if she had not won. This felt different, her body weakened greatly even though I couldn’t find an injury on her. I ran my hands over her, waiting for her to react or cry out in pain.

But there was nothing except her blank stare as she blinked up at me. Medusa stepped up beside us, turning back to the fishing village we had passed on our journey. “We need to get her to safety for thenight,” she said, the seriousness of her voice making me nod. I lifted Estrella into my arms, hating the way she hung there limply. Her eyes were open, staring at the river as we left it behind, but I wasn’t certain she truly saw any of it. She dug the side of her head into my shoulder, raising an arm to cover her other ear as if she needed to drown out a sound that I couldn’t hear.

Focusing in on our bond, I followed it down the thread to her mind, flinching the moment the screams of agony reached me. They were lessened in my mind, and even that was bad enough to make me crave the silence.

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