Page 93 of What Sleeps Within the Cove

“Because what if he’s right? I killed him. What if there had been another way, and I was just too selfish to see it?” she asked, and a little piece of my heart broke for the weight she’d been carrying. The concern and guilt that all of this had brought back to the surface. No matter how much she’d been forced to shove aside to survive in the life she’d been thrust into, Estrella had lost everything she’d ever known and had people she’d thought cared about her want her dead. There was no erasing the damage that could cause.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she broke, her chest heaving with the words I didn’t think she’d even intended to speak out loud. I sent comforting thoughts down the bond, trying to reach her as she stood from the bed. Her legs buckled beneath her, tearing a whimper of frustration from her lungs as she caught herself on the edge of the bed and forced them to stand straight and support her. She paced, the movement awkward and jilted, stunted by the weakness in her body that she refused to allow to force her to bed.

“There she is,” Medusa whispered with a smile, staring at the version of Estrella that was one breath from a breakdown, her lungs heaving with the force of trying to suppress the emotion that clogged her throat.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in this trial. How am I supposed to win if I can’t even blame him for hating me?” Estrella whispered, fear coating every word. She didn’t think she could win, didn’t think she could come back to me after she went back in and the very notion that she’d survived so much only to die like this was tearing her in two.

“He may not be the man you knew anymore, but he is still a man, Estrella,” Medusa whispered, stepping up to my mate. She placed a hand on each side of her face, staring down at her as Estrella nodded. “Men can be manipulated, especially if they believe you to be out of reach. You do not need to fuck him to give him what he wants. All you need to do is make him believe he matters for one more moment, and then you can forget he ever existed.”

“I don’t want to forget,” Estrella whispered, those words causing a clench of pain within me. Evenknowingwhat she felt for him wasn’t romantic, even feeling that for myself, I wanted to erase him from her past and make it so he was never a thought in her mind again. “He deserves better than this. He deserves better than to be manipulated and forgotten. I hate them for making me do this. I hate everylast one of them. How do I continue on, trying to prove my worth to beings that I despise with every fiber of my being? I don’t want to be worthy to them if this is what it takes.”

Medusa smiled, and Estrella was too far gone to her rage to see the pride in it. The joy it brought her to know her daughter weighed her own worth by her own standards, that Estrella’s morals and self-worth would be worth more to her than any approval the Fates could ever give.

“Then you make them bleed for what they’ve done to you,” she said, the resolve on her face hinting at what she hadn’t dared to hope for, the very thing none had dared to consider.

“And when they call me a monster, too?” Estrella asked, forcing her mother to raise her chin. Her snakes slithered around her head, seeming to respond to the word that the Gorgon woman had learned to hate.

“Prove them right,” Medusa said with a shrug. “Sometimes a monster is exactly what the world needs to right the wrongs that have been committed for centuries. You have let your fear of what you could be hold you back for far too long. You didn’t even think to try to remove the snake from your mate’s heart because you feared you would fail.”

“I could have killed him. The risks were too high—”

“And what would have happened if you succeeded? Who might you have saved in the process? Your fear of yourself is your greatest weakness. Be the fucking monster, Estrella. For they will judge you as one either way.”

Medusa left the cabin, leaving us blinking after her. Estrella didn’t try to follow the bond to see what I thought of the altercation and for that I was grateful.

I wasn’t sure she was ready to know that her mother was right.

FIFTY-NINE

ESTRELLA

The grove remained unchanged as I approached the natural pool at the center. My legs were wobbly beneath me, as if the loss I’d suffered here had stolen the energy from my body. I wondered if I’d get it back if I was successful in my task, or if I would need to continue on through the rest of my life feeling this weak. It was impossible to think of being victorious in any meaningful way with the loss of power, the way it seemed to linger just out of reach. I didn’t know if it would respond if I even tried to touch it, for it didn’t matter in this moment.

In this trial, my humanity was what was needed. My care for someone I had once known, who had mattered a great deal to me in his own way, would have to be what guided me through this. I didn’t know if I had it in me to lie and manipulate, to insinuate that I would offer something that wasn’t mine to give. My body belonged to my mate, just as his belonged to me. I would have gone to the ends of theearth to ruin any who dared to touch him, to demand such things of him.

The water bubbled as Loris moved toward the surface, his body emerging in a sudden burst. He dragged in a deep lungful of air, the sorrow in his eyes shining as soon as he met my stare. He opened his mouth to speak, but I didn’t wait to hear what he would say. I met him as he stepped out of the edge of the water, the grass of the grove bending beneath his feet. Wrapping my arms around him, I ignored the nudity that made me uncomfortable and squeezed him into a tight hug that I felt like I needed just as much as he did. He froze, going still in my embrace before he finally raised his arms and wrapped them around me. They were gentle as they encircled me, his cheek coming to rest on the top of my head.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled into his bare chest, pulling back so that I could stare up at him. My face was wet with tears as he studied me, raising his hand to capture the moisture for himself as he considered those words.

“You’re sorry?” he asked, a bit of his anger bleeding into his features. The words weren’t enough, and I dreaded the rage that would follow. “I’m dead thanks to you.”

“I know,” I said, admitting my guilt in the role I’d played. Whether or not I’d wanted it, it was my fault. He was dead because I lived, because my life had been deemed more important than his in the game of the Fates. “I never wanted this. I would give almost anything to change it.”

“Almost anything,” he scoffed, his brow twisting with indignation. “Anything but him, right?”

“Do you want me to lie to you? Is that what you’re looking for? Do you want me to lie and say that I would sacrifice my mate to bring you back? It wouldn’t matter. No matter what I say, you’ll still be dead, Loris,” I said, spinning on my heel. The flash of gold in the trees bolstered me, forcing me forward in this game of carefully crafted words. I didn’t want to lie, but I could be more vocal about the truth. I could offer comfort in the form of encouragement, bolster him in what he’d lost. “And I have to find a way to live with that.”

“I’m sure it pains you,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It does,” I said, admitting the truth that I didn’t want to speak out loud. “Everything that has happened is all because of me. All those people who died when the Veil fell, I carry the weight of their lives with me. They’re a reminder that the choices I make are nevermy own. They always have this greater purpose, influencing the things around me in ways I can’t predict. It’s a weight I wouldn’t wish on my greatest enemy, so yes, I carry that with me every day. Because forgetting that comes at too high a cost.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” he asked, but the way he fidgeted told me that he wasn’t unaffected by it. Not as much as he wanted me to believe.

“I don’t think there’s anything I can say that will make you feel better. There’s nothing I can do to make any of this okay. It’s the truth regardless.” We stood in a moment of silence, allowing the weight of the conversation to settle between us. Loris shuffled his feet as he thought over my words, measuring them carefully and judging each and every one. The scales were imbalanced, working against me from the very onset.

“I didn’t expect you to apologize,” he said, shrugging his shoulders as he held himself more tightly. All confidence was gone from him, as if the shock had brought him back to reality in some way.

“Then maybe you never knew me as well as you thought you did. We were so naive, Loris. I feel like a different person when I look back at that girl now. I didn’t understand what was coming,” I admitted.

---