Page 65 of To the Grave

She shrugged. “Kind of.”

I smiled, trying to play it cool. “Kind of? That doesn’t sound like the Ruth Hammond I know. Are you seeing someone?”

I knew she was, not only because Cassie and Sarai had seen her out with someone but because I’d been watching Ruth’s social media. The pictures were suitably vague, the kinds of pictures you posted when you were being coy about the guy you were seeing: two plates at a restaurant table, a male wrist wrapped around a beer bottle, angsty song lyrics as captions.

Something guarded dropped over her eyes. “I see people. I’m not forty. God, are you going to ask me if I’m going steady with someone next?”

I laughed a little even though her derision stung. I wasn’t that much older than Ruth but she had a way of making me feel like someone’s ancient uptight grandma. “It’s an honest question.”

“You’re asking a lot of them,” Ruth said, her eyes closed again.

“Just trying to catch up. We haven’t spent any time together in ages.” I hesitated, hoping she would continue. When she didn’t, I picked up the ball again, all too aware that I was pushing my luck. “So? Are you dating anyone?”

She opened her eyes and looked at me. “Do you really think you can just bail on me and then act like we’re best friends after a day at the spa?”

“I didn’tbailon you,” I said. “I’ve been at the house. Mom’s house. You can come up any time. I told you that.”

“Come to the house where you’re living with Blake’s murderers? No thanks.”

Great. Somehow the conversation that was supposed to be about Ruth had turned into a conversation about me and the Beasts. And what could I say to that? I need you to forgive the guys who murdered our brother because I love them?

Not exactly a compelling argument. I’d be lucky if my dad didn’t hire someone to deprogram me.

“Well, we don’t have to meet at the house,” I said. “I’ll come see you if you want to hang.”

“Even if Dad’s home?” she asked. I hesitated and Ruth pounced. “What is your problem with him anyway? And don’t give me that stupid story about him kidnapping you or I’m leaving.”

My face burned. I’d been so sure my dad was behind my kidnapping after Calvin drugged me and stuffed me in his car. I’d told Ruth, trying to warn her, and she’d made me feel crazy. I’d resented it at the time, but now I could only feel embarrassed because she’d been right: it hadn’t been my dad.

And I had sounded crazy.

But that didn’t mean everything was back to normal with my dad. He’d still cut me off when I moved out, tried to exert controlover me by sending Calvin over to dump my stuff and take my credit cards even though I only ever used them in an emergency.

“It’s complicated,” I said. Because facing my dad meant really facing the fact that I might not be his daughter at all. That maybe there was a reason he’d always been a little more distant with me than with Blake and Ruth and maybe that reason was because I was Mac’s daughter and not his.

Ruth’s gray eyes flared. “You wonder why we’re not close and then you keep feeding me bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit. There are things about Dad I’m not ready to talk about. Not the kidnapping thing. You were… you were right about that. It wasn’t him. But other things.”

I’d been agonizing for weeks over whether to talk to Mac. It seemed like a no-brainer: if I wanted to know whether Mac was my biological father, I could ask him.

But deep down I wasn’t sure Ididwant to know. What did it matter? Cassie was right: my dad had taken care of me, raised me, been there for all my milestones. Sure, he’d been distant and demanding, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t my dad.

Maybe that was the thing about being a parent, a real parent: you got to be imperfect because you werethereand that was the part that really mattered.

My relationship with Ruth was already complicated, and it would be even more of a shit show if I somehow made it work with the Beasts long-term. Did I want to add Mac to the mix? Ruth already felt so far away. Would she still feel like we were sisters if we had different dads?

“What other things, Daisy?” Ruth was staring at me through the steam and I wondered if it was the first time she had asked the question or if I’d been so spaced out I hadn’t heard her the first time.

“Just… things.” It sounded pathetic even to my own ears. Somehow Ruth was sounding like the logical one, like thegrown-up one, and it was all because there were too many things I couldn’t say.

Because I had too many secrets.

“You know what?” she said, wading to the Jacuzzi stairs. “I’m done.”

“Don’tleave.” I watched her step out of the Jacuzzi, water dripping from her bikini-clad body. “Ruth…”

She grabbed her towel and started wrapping it around her body. “You say you miss being close but then you move in with Blake’s murderers. You lie to me about Dad and you wantmeto tellyoueverything while you keep all these secrets. Call me when you’re ready to really be sisters.”

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