Page 40 of Kings & Carnage

"If that makes you feel better," I said. "It doesn't really matter what you call it. The point is, the only person at fault here is Roberto. That's what we told Willa when she felt guilty about the lighthouse because it was true. We’ve kept Willa alive so far, close calls aside, and as insane as it makes me to say it out loud, I'm not sure that would be true if she’d been with anyone but us.”

“You’re right about that part," Rock said.

"Good," I said. “So stopbrooding. And next time you're feeling some kind of way about something, just speak up for fuck’s sake. No reason to carry this shit alone when you have us.”

He nodded. "You're right. I don't know why I was being such a dumbass, like I had something to prove. I think this fucking dress is making me toxically male.”

I put a hand on his shoulder and looked deeply into his eyes. “It's not a dress, remember? It’s a— ”

He held up a hand to stop me. “Don’t you fucking dare."

Chapter18

Willa

Iwas still clutching the binders on my lap when we pulled down the long road leading to Daisy's house.

I was still in shock. I'd hoped Mrs. Giordana would let me look at the binders again, but I’d never dreamed she'd let me take them.

"And you're sure she showed you everything in the study?" Rock asked from the backseat.

"As far as I could tell," I said. "It definitely didn't seem like she was hiding anything.”

The whole visit had been one surprise after the other. In spite of the strange circumstances, Mrs. Giordana had been more helpful than I'd expected, letting me stand by in the dean’s study while she searched his desk for clues and even asking me to search the bookshelves for something other than the binders that might be a hint about what her husband had been up to and with whom.

"Well, it doesn't seem like she spiked your tea at least," Rock said as Oscar pulled up in front of the house.

The Buick was gone which meant Neo still wasn't home.

“We're definitely safe in that department," I said.

Oscar looked at me across the front seat of the Mercedes. "I still can't believe she didn't even want to look inside the binders.”

"I was surprised too," I said. "But I think I get it now.”

"Get what?" Oscar asked.

I thought about my mom, how crushed I felt at the hospital when she’d dismissed everything I told her about Roberto, choosing to believe in him against all evidence to the contrary because she was too scared to see what life would look like on her own.

"Sometimes it's hard to see the truth about the people we love," I said.

We sat in the car, the cooling engine a soft tick in the quiet late winter afternoon. I wondered if they were thinking about their own families, about all the ways people could disappoint you.

"Well, that's depressing is fuck," Rock said.

"Yeah, sorry." I hadn't meant to get all philosophical just because I’d spent a couple of hours with Dean Giordana's widow.

I reached for the door. "My body hurts. I need a hot shower and my Wednesday panties.”

I was beyond tired of being in the same clothes and really looking forward to getting some other ones, whenever that would be.

Oscar reach across the front seat and rested his hand on the back of my neck. He stroked my skin with his fingertips and a shiver traveled down my spine.

"Is this an I-want-to-be-alone shower? Or an I’m-up-for-company shower?" he asked.

I pretended to think about it just to keep him and Rock on their toes because there was no universe in which Rock was planning to let me shower alone with Oscar.

It wasn’t like I minded. Going to Dean Giordana's house and telling his wife the truth about lying to her had been stressful. I wasn't above a little sexy R&R to unwind.

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