Page 57 of Protection for Rowan

“How can I help?” He would do anything for her. They hadn’t been together long, but he knew her from way back when, and what they’d gone through on that plane had been intense. She was more mature now because she’d lived more life, but Rowan was still the same person he would do anything for. He felt things for her that he’d never felt for another. Maybe they wouldn’t last, but he would make damn sure this situation didn’t drown her with the trauma.

Rowan sighed."I think I need to do this on my own." His face fell, and she hated that he didn't understand. "Not really on my own, like I think I need to go to an intensive retreat. There is one I know about. It's north of San Francisco, and it's for people who suffered something like I have."

Shine nodded. “That would be good.”

"I think so. I'd looked into it but didn't act on it. I think it would be healing for me to spend two weeks really working on myself. It deals specifically with women dealing with trauma."

“I like the idea of this place. Do you want me to drive you up there?”

She shook her head. “No, I’ll fly. They’ll have someone at the airport to pick me up. I’ll make arrangements later today.”

Shine sighed, the skin around his eyes smoothing out. “I’m glad you’ll be getting the help you need.”

“I want to be better. I don’t want to freak out when we try to have sex.”

“I feel responsible for that.”

She shook her head, horrified that he felt responsible. “Why would you feel that way? It’s me.”

“Because I pushed.”

"No, you didn't. You were acting normal. I'm the one who had an overreaction. You were just on top of me, and I couldn't handle it. I'm the one who messed up."

He went down on his knees beside her chair. His brown gaze stared up at her so earnestly it made tears burn in her eyes. He held her hands and she couldn’t look away.

“You didn’t mess up. I know plenty of guys who have PTSD and a few women. It’s not your fault. It is just something that happens. You know that from your training. No one is to blame, and you aren’t to blame at all.”

She leaned down and rested her forehead against his. “It’s selfish of me, and you don’t have to, but will you wait for me?”

He made a noise in the back of his throat, and when she leaned back, she saw tears in his eyes. "Yes. I'll wait for you."

She leaned in, brushing a gentle kiss over his lips. “Thank you. I swear I’m going to work hard to recover.”

“I’ll be here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

She held him, and he stood, pulling her up before settling on the chair she'd been in. Then she was on his lap and felt loved and protected in his arms. Maybe she would have to change her work. She didn't want to. She wanted to face this head on, but she couldn't on her own. The terror she'd faced had gotten to her. Doing it on her own, without intense therapeutic help, wasn't working.

The retreat would help her. It had to. She didn’t want to put too much pressure on herself, but the pressure was there. If this didn’t work, she wasn’t sure what her life would be like, but she wasn’t prepared to give up.

Chapter 41

Rowan wasnervous sitting the back of the car that was taking her to the retreat. She knew this place had a good reputation, but she’d never needed any therapy like this.

“We’re here,” the driver said as she pulled through a gate that had opened as the car approached.

The security on site was excellent. All the therapists, drivers, people in the kitchen, and anyone customer-facing were women. Since this was a retreat for women needing intense therapy, that made sense. The security on the perimeter of the property was mostly men, with a few women in the mix. She'd been told that the men never came to the building where the guests stayed. It really was a place to relax and learn how to recover from the pressures she faced.

The main facility was the old family house situated at the top of a hill overlooking the vineyards. The winery was still operational, but the building where they made wine was at the other end of the fields, and a fence separated the buildings.

It amazed her that the family had set up this facility. They'd moved from the big house to a small place a few miles away after their daughter had been the victim of a man who had tried to destroy her. They'd been amazed that there hadn't been a place like this. Their daughter's experience had shown them how difficult it was to get good, affordable therapy.

The car stopped, and she got out, turning around as the driver retrieved her bags. The front door of the house opened, and she turned to face the woman walking out to greet her.

“Hello, Rowan. I’m Cassandra. I’m the main therapist on site. I know you have experience with psychology, but I want to make sure you feel comfortable with my credentials.”

“Thank you. I do feel comfortable.”

"Thank you. When you're in the business, I know it's hard to trust. We have eight other women here this week. Two of them are leaving this week, so next week, we'll only have six. You can walk the grounds, but we don't suggest going through the gate until you're prepared to be in mixed company. The men working the farm know to always be respectful, but we need to make sure you have tools to deal with anything that causes you to feel uncomfortable."

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