Page 125 of Full Mountie

“Hugh, we gotta talk.”

“No we don’t.”

“Yes we fucking do. For six weeks, we built something special, and you just blew it to smithereens without a single word.”

Not true. I left a note. I don’t say that, though. I grit my teeth instead and let him keep pummelling me.

“You don’t fuck and run. That is not how you show the people in your life that they’re important. You communicate. You talk things through. You’ve been involved in the D/s side of life long enough that I shouldn’t have to fucking tell you this shit.”

He’s right. Deep down, I know better than to make and act on hasty decisions. I know better than to make decisions that affect other people without their input. But I did it anyway.

Even though I’d planned to leave, that decision had still been spur of the moment—about halfway through the wedding ceremony, although in hindsight, it had started brewing at the rehearsal dinner. I’d changed my flight between leaving the reception and heading to the cabin.

I squeeze my eyes shut and bang my head against the wall. “I may have made a mess of this.”

“Ya think?”

But I was coming from a good place, and he’s gotta know that. “It boils down to this.” I suck in a big shaky breath and let it out slowly. “The wedding brought into focus something I’d been ignoring. Something I didn’t want to see.”

“What the hell do you think you saw?”

“You and Beth. You’ve got a forever kind of love.”

“And what about you?”

“I’m not really built for long-term relationships.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Hugh?”

“The three of us, together, is something that can never happen. You and Beth had feelings for each other long before I showed up. And while it’s been a lot of fun, it’s time for me to bow out and leave the two of you work your way towards happily ever after.”

“I’m going to stop you right there, dick-for-brains. It’s clear you need some space. But you don’t know what the hell we want, or how we want it.”

I smile at his trash talking, but it’s a weak, passing happiness. The truth is, I know whatIwant, and I know it’s not possible. “Fair point,” I admit. “I shouldn’t have put this on you guys. I’m the one who can’t…”

“Can’t what?”

I don’t know how to answer that right now. “I just can’t.”

He huffs in frustration, then growls. “Fine. You should do something with Beth this weekend. Grab a coffee.”

“Yeah.” But we both know I won’t.

He might think it’s because I’m scared, but I know better.

I walked away while I still could. I won’t be able to do it again. If I go back to them, it’ll be until they’re done with me.

“I’ll let you get to sleep,” he finally says, quietly. “I’m going to text you something after we hang up, so don’t turn your phone off.”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to, I’ve gotta work in the morning.”

He laughs and we say goodbye.

The text is a photo. It’s a sucker punch to the gut, because it’s a picture he must have taken that day at the cabin. Beth in my arms, and we’re both laughing and…

Damn him.

We look like we’re in love.

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